the real beauty is there hidden deep below the outer beauty. you see the outer beauty – you love the outer beauty – you move forward with the outer beauty – it dictates all the early moves in life. but as time goes on, you start to see the real beauty of a person – you start to see just how beautiful they really are – in the things they do, in the things they say – in all the moves they make in life – in all the action they take – you see their real beauty. this is the beauty that sustains a relationship, a marriage, a partnership. you don’t even know that you see this real beauty because you are too close – but then one day it hits you. you are in love with the real beauty of this person. they are real and they are with you and they are beautiful. the outer beauty can wane – but the real beauty flourishes and grows – you see it blossoming higher and higher. when you see this real beauty – you don’t think about outer beauty as much – you don’t look around as much – you only see the real beauty next to you and you want more and more – there is no reason to look for outer beauty. look at the person next to you and see the real beauty – see the person that has been through all the ups and downs with you – and see how their real beauty has surfaced and pushed you through these things. when you know this and see this – you will never look away again.
Tag: family
looking back
when you look back past your life and all the way back to your parents’ lives – to when they met and got married – and then you see the path they took and you see how old they were – and you then compare to your life, to your age at certain parts of your path – you then start to realize how young your parents were when they got married, when they had kids, why they had marital troubles if they did – why they might have divorced – you start to see it all very clearly. you think about what you did in your 20s – and how getting married and having kids in early-mid 20s might have been major challenges to a relationship. you then see the paths they took and then you see that their lives did not always end in glory or in a way ever imagined. they had dreams too – they wanted to get to a comfortable place too. they wanted to be safe and secure – they wanted to succeed. they are just like you – they are only human – their paths changed too – they are just trying to hold on to life like you – they are trying to keep their grip every day. it is a funny thing when you really look back at your parents’ lives and you compare to yours and you see what they had to do and you see what you have to do – and these are the secrets not always revealed – you just have to look and compare – and you will understand more about you and about them.
family business
don’t talk about money or finances all the time – especially at home. look – you have this business whether you realize it or not – it is called the family business. it is not the family business definition you know – where a family runs a business to make money in the outside world. this is the business of running the finances for your family. you have incoming and outgoing – they go up, they go down. you have an active budget that needs reviewing and tweaking all the time. this is your family business. i am not going to get into the ins and outs of this family business in this post. i am only going to focus on is when you discuss the family business with your family at home. for the kids it is good to go over the family business so they have an understanding of responsibility, frugality, etc. but for the spouse – yes you should discuss the family business on occasion but mostly to make sure bills are getting paid – money is coming in, etc. you should not talk about the bills, the finances all of the time or everyday. this will become a burden on the relationship and one that will lead to the ultimate demise of the partnership. don’t talk about the family business that much – keep it to a minimum – because this will only lead to fights over things that will work on their own as long as you keep working and you keep paying your bills. stop talking so much!
you have to be bored
what can you do. you have hit the mid-life phase. you have family, wife to work for. you can’t just quit your job. you have to keep working no matter what – to keep the train going. you also want to see your family as much as possible. you don’t want a job that has you traveling all over. you want to grab these fleeting days/weeks/months/years with your kids before they fly the coop for good. you have to make that your main focus. to do this, you must sometimes do jobs that are not as exciting as the ones you had in the past. the jobs that were in the big city – things were moving fast. you never watched the clock. you had less stress in all areas. kids were very young – stared at them all weekend – they were the entertainment. now they are growing up – becoming more expensive – you want to see them as often as possible – so you stay in your current job. this is to pay the bills – to see them – to keep things going – until they go to college. you have to make sacrifices. you have to be bored with your job – you have to accept the boredom – you have to accept the monotony of the job. you have to get that check every 2 weeks. you have to suck it up and keep going. you have to do this for the family. this you must learn. you can’t just jump from job to job. you have to be precise in your movements. you have to be precise in your judgement. you have to be methodical in your jumping. you have everything hanging on you. they are not letting go – they are getting heavier by the year. you must slog on. you must be bored. you have to be bored. it is a marathon. be bored, push on – change will come when the time is right or when you wake up one day and say enough is enough. but do you really have a choice. yes, but only a calculated choice now – no more missteps – you can’t afford it now. maybe later.
don’t overanalyze
don’t overanalyze the relationships that you are in – especially your main relationship with your wife, husband, significant other. if you overanalyze every little thing that is said or every little thing that happens in the relationship – then you will not have that relationship much longer. so often we wear down the people we love with continuous analyzation – this happens all the time and it leads to many break-ups. the other person is there because you love them and they love you – for who you are and for who they are. they are not there for you to analyze them. yes, you can question things. yes, you can disagree. yes, you can dispute things. but, no, you cannot analyze them over and over. you cannot analyze everything they say and do. this is not the way a relationship should be. stop overanalyzing them right now – or the end will come. they put up with your continuous analyzation because they love you. but one day they will take no more and it will be over. stop yourself from asking too many questions and from overanalyzing everything. stop yourself. don’t overanalyze.
you must give in
after time, after you get older – there are some things you must stop fighting about. you must give in and stop unnecessary fighting with your spouse. your old self says keep fighting for your point. your old self keeps pushing you to talk about the budget and talk about what things cost. stop doing this. if you need something, buy it. there is no need to quote the budget as an excuse. just give in before the fight and buy it. you need it, buy it. stop useless fighting. just get in your car, drive and buy it. why fight about what you need. why go down a path of fighting over something you need to buy – something you need for the house or the family. it has to happen whether you fight about it or not. just give in and do it. believe it or not – this is evolving even though it feels like you are being broken down. you are not giving up – you are giving in to the inevitable – without all the fuss you used to go through. you have seen the light and it is a shorter path to happiness and less fighting. realize there is no use in fighting over certain things – just say it sounds good, give in and move on. this is another level of understanding yourself that you have reached. congrats, you found the path forward. give in and grow up.
sorry
you must say you are sorry to loved ones very quickly. do not wait to say you are sorry if you did something wrong. it will only cause more damage to the situation and could possibly do long term damage to the relationship. your gut is pushing you to say you are sorry – that is why saying sorry even came into your mind. you know that you did something wrong – you were mean – you said mean things – you put someone down – you opened your mouth when you should have kept it closed. you walked out the door and you knew immediately that you were wrong – your gut started to bombard you with thoughts of guilt – you were wrong and you need to say you are sorry immediately – send a note, make a call – just do it. why wait around for it to fade away. help you and the situation and say you are sorry. you have done this so many times – you have made many mistakes. you need to say you are sorry to your loved one and you need to try and learn not to do this again. don’t push those buttons every time – let it go – don’t go there – don’t be mean. now say you are sorry and learn from this.
being a parent
of a teenager can be very challenging. we have all heard this before and i am giving my 2 cents. what we find as we engage with teenagers as a parent is pure frustration. we see them acting as if they don’t care about what is going on or what you have done for them. you get frustrated and you lash out at them. you don’t realize what you are saying until later – it happens very fast – as you speak from your emotions. but you do say mean things to them because you are appalled at their behavior. when they were young, you scolded them, taught them a lesson and moved on. now you get no response, they just glare at you – they want to defy you. but you need to quickly realize that losing your temper is not the way to go – it can only draw deep lines between you and your kid – that could last a long time and cause lifelong discomfort. yes, you do need to keep reprimanding them to teach them a lesson and keep them on the right track – but you must not say awful, mean things to them. do it once, learn and then don’t do it again. keep your calm during these years – show your disappointment, continue to teach – but don’t lose control and say things you will regret. be the adult.
thank you notes
i have an idea. think back across your life and think about all the people you have met – then think specifically about the people that made a difference in your life – that did something for you to make your life better – that did you a favor without expecting anything in return. you can narrow it down to the big events or milestones in your life. who helped you reached that milestone? who helped you do that event? who were the key people that helped shape who you are today. now sit down and write each of them a brief thank you note – just thanking them for the exact thing they did to help you. it doesn’t have to be a long letter – just a quick note. they will be pleasantly surprised and you will feel good that you let them know that you have not forgotten what they did and you never will. get those notes and do it now – before it is too late.
live near family
this is one of the keys to life. you must live near some family. make sacrifices to live near family. we are on this earth for a short period of time and as you go through life, you quickly realize that it is family that will stick by you through everything. yes you have friends and they are good to have – they provide another form of balance – but at the end of the day – you need that family – and you need that family nearby. why nearby? so you can experience life with them – so that you can have their support through the big things and the little things. family enhances life, family makes life better, family gives you a reason to keep pushing on. if all of your family is dead, then you shift this concept to friends. but if you have some close family members still alive – pack up and move close to them now. life is about living in the now while people are still alive – you need to live near them and you need to create memories – otherwise what is the point of living if not with your family nearby. you might not get along with your family – still not an excuse to not live near them. why- because if you have kids – it is good for them to live near your family – they need to grow up with some family around. what is the point of living far away from your family – making more money? not a good enough reason. you could be laid off or drop dead tomorrow – where did more money get you? nowhere – because you have no family nearby to help you through the hard times. get a grip and go live near family – otherwise you will regret it. way back when – you were young and you loved your family. because you are older now – does not change that one bit. don’t judge – just love. start packing.