when you see the mind start to go – it is a sad and terrible thing – especially in a parent. they can still talk to you and conversations are easy – but the confusion starts and the memory loss kicks in. though you can converse, there is not much detail anymore – general answers only. they can still eat, shower, read, clean up, dress – all the usual things in the normal way. but you do see the mind go a bit – repeating questions, repeating observations. you start to realize that things will never be the same. they can’t be alone anymore, they can’t remember to do the key things of each day – they can’t remember to eat or take their medicine – so even if they can do all the other things – if you don’t eat or take your meds – that is a problem – and it requires people to be there and to help get these things done to survive. as the child of the parent that is starting down this no-return path – you start to think about how will you set up the next stage for your parent – how do you make all the decisions – where will they live, how will they live – in a home or at home with the family. how much money is there to make these changes happen – to transition into this unfortunate phase. it happened quite fast – 6 months ago there was some forgetfulness – no biggie at the time – comes with older age – could last for years – but then in a flash – getting lost while driving the usual route, wandering down the street a bit, not getting dressed entirely – unusual things happening – and next thing you know, they are staying in your guest room and going home does not seem like a clear option anymore. you have to face it because they can’t face it anymore – their mind is in the last battle – trying to keep things normal but also knowing something is wrong which they can’t explain because it is their own mind that is confused – it is a never ending loop of confusion and the eyes are not as engaged as before – there is now a distance to them – brought on by this unseen confusion. you start to realize that when you talk with them, it won’t be remembered so you are really talking to yourself but it gives you comfort to hear them agree with you even though they don’t understand anymore. when you see the mind start to go, you realize that there is change coming – for them and for you
Cel
He was a generous man
He was a kind and caring man
He was a loyal man to his friends and family
He was a calm man
He was a thinking man
He was a very wise man
He took care of his family through and through – they had no needs or wants for Cel provided for everything
Cel was a very responsible man
He was a determined man
He was a man on a mission
He was a very accomplished man
He knew how to act in every situation
Friends and family looked up to him – and looked to him for guidance – for the right thing to do
Cel was an honest man and he didn’t need to say much to make you understand what he was thinking
He was a teacher as well – helping people along
If he had your back – you felt safe – he protected us all
He has taught us all lessons – we all have stories of how we learned from Cel
Cel is a man that will not be forgotten
He is a man that will be revered
We are all grateful to have Cel in our lives
Thank you Cel for everything you have done for us
We were lucky to have you
last day…(of your 40s)
what can you say about your 40s – except wow and shit. so much happens during the 40s decade. if you have a family – you are in the thick of it – kids grow up, expenses go higher, tensions develop, fighting, yelling, laughs and tears – all bundled into 10 key years of life – right in the middle of your journey. you are forced to finally grow up – you’re not the kid anymore – not the young one. you have more responsibility, more pressure, more decisions, more people dying, more health issues, parents on the way out. you have good times too – exploring more places with friends and family – you re-connect with old friends and lose some as well. you stop saying “yes” all the time and you stop trying to be the life of the party or trying to go to every party – it doesn’t matter as much as before – it never really did, but it takes awhile to figure that out (sometime in the 40s) – on the career side – your try to make more money because you have to (saving for college, cars and braces ain’t cheap) – you try to make good moves from job to job – this is supposed to be your prime – so pressure is on to get all you can out of your job/career – more ups and downs. on the health side – you need to work harder at staying fit – you take up more activities – running, tennis, golf, etc – and you actually find that you feel better than the 30s and 20s – less booze, better eating and more exercise – this trend of the 40s does help you feel better than before. then the inevitable getting closer to death thing seems much more present – you look back and say “50 years, really?” – it must be true since we lived in the last century – back before cell phones, internet, cable and seat belts?!?! – and when you look ahead, you say – “oh shit” – time is running out – only 10-20 years of work left (if you are lucky) – and then a brief retirement, then break-down of body/mind – burden to kids, then death – sounds fun! – but no need to be too negative at 49.99999 – half will say your still young and half won’t even pay attention to you (except your own kids/family because they have to) – anyway – it was the hardest decade yet – hope it gets easier (not)
victory
victory is an amazing feeling – especially in sports. you play a sport to have fun but sometimes you join a team to compete for a title. you develop good connections with your teammates and you work together to win – to beat the other teams. nothing beats the moment your team clinches a title – with everything on the line – coming down to the last point, the last game, the last match. you are alive and in the moment – more alive and in the moment than most times in life – you feel the pressure of the moment – you feel the tension of the next move – will you respond the right way – will you stay focused in the moment and push through to win. it is truly a microcosm of life – the pressure is on – will you handle the pressure and prevail or will you buckle under the pressure of the moment. this is the true test of life and the true test of sport. your team is relying on you – they are watching you, they are praying for you to win – to help clinch the title for your team. and when you do push back against the pressure – when you do focus on the moment – when you do make that last winning shot to help take your team to the next level – to claim victory – to shout out loud your victory – only then will you truly feel alive – when you feel victory, you really feel alive on this earth at this moment – it is so exhilarating. go play a sport, join a team, feel the pressure and clinch victory – there ain’t nothing like it.
people need help
when you are young, you don’t notice much because you are too busy focusing on the moment. you don’t notice any problems going on in your family or if family members need your help. you are young so you figure the adults will take care of things. this goes on into your 20s – it’s all about you. but then you get older and you start to see the cracks of imperfection in your family tree – and this is normal – to see reality and for reality to be imperfect. once you get past the fact that nothing is perfect, including your family, you then start to realize that people need help. people are not perfect and people fall down all the time. naturally, you first look to take care of your own problems and your own immediate family – and this is your first priority. but then you realize that people in your extended family need your help. so you must help them as well. you must talk to them, you must console them, you must try to comfort them – and talk them through their problems. you must not give up helping others – you must continue to help your family and friends as long as you can. all people need help sometime – so help them if you can. one day you will need help too.
shit everywhere
don’t want to use the word shit but there is no way around it. every day, every week, every month, every year – there is shit going on all around us. i mean bad shit. bad shit in the world and bad shit in our own lives. we see relatives dying, friends getting sick, people we know dying young, kids getting in trouble, parents getting old, people getting fired, people getting divorced, teens dying young, friends losing their home, money troubles and health troubles everywhere. we see all this shit and we get nervous, we get worried, we get scared – we start to think we are losing our grip. but that is the test – shit is everywhere trying to pull you in, distract you, make you misstep and fall into the shit. this is the time where you just stay the course, stay focused, keep your grip, don’t make sudden moves. shit will always happen, so you need to work through the shit while keeping your grip or avoid it altogether.
confidence grows
you can have some confidence when you are born but true confidence needs to grow in a person from when they are young until they are an adult. many times we see kids lacking confidence – this is a natural occurrence. kids not having confidence is normal. they need to see themselves succeed before they can believe in themselves. you might think that kids should have confidence automatically and you might be surprised to see that kids lack confidence as they grow into teens. you can tell them to be confident and to go make it happen. but they often doubt themselves and they doubt what they can achieve. you know they can do it, but they don’t. the only way for kids/teens to gain confidence is to see themselves succeeding and achieving in school or sports or with friends. they will slowly gain confidence but don’t surprised when you first see the lack of confidence – this is part of the normal process of growing up and becoming stronger in every way – gaining confidence as they achieve more – they believe more in themselves.
catch the next train
we are all on trains – slow trains and fast trains – trains for health, trains for family, trains for vacations, trains for friends – some trains last forever, some trains stop. a very important train is the job train – for each job you have, you are on a train. some job trains last a whole career, some last 10 years, some last 5 years, some last 2 years, etc. the trick is to not get stuck on a job train when it stops – that means you are out of a job and you are not on the next train. that is why we must keep an eye on the current job train that we are on – we must see how fast the train is going – a fast train means you are moving up the ladder at a faster than normal rate and the job is very exciting with no time to waste – a good pace train means all is going well – but a slow train or a train that is slowing down means “watch out!” – you might get stuck on a stopped train. this is when you need to think about catching the next job train. start looking down the tracks for other trains and get ready to catch the next train if needed – be prepared to jump! – same analogy of a frog looking for the next lily pad – you need a place to land – and you need to get on a faster moving train. that slow train might start to pick up speed again – so you might not have to jump – but always be prepared – as they say.
take what you can get
in life, you rarely get what you think you will get – it is always below your expectations. the problem is you have high expectations – which is a good thing – to wish and work for more. i don’t want to say lower your expectations. keep your expectations high as it keeps your optimism high and it keeps your positive energy high – it keeps you happy – which is the key to life – staying positive through ups and downs – and keeping happy. but when you do get something less than what you were expecting – you do feel let down – you do feel like you should have got more – you do feel confused and deflated a bit. this will happen when you have a vision of the future and it is filled with big rewards or windfalls – those high expectations we keep. however, you should feel good for getting something – as it is always better than getting nothing. look at the positive side of things – you did get rewarded for your work and effort – though it wasn’t the big win you were expecting – you got something and you should be grateful. you should see this as success and you should be happy and ready for the next opportunity that comes from this success. so bottom line is – life is tough and we rarely get everything we want – so be happy for the wins (no matter how big or small) – because you have made progress and should be happy, grateful and ready for what’s next. take what you can get and be happy. stop complaining for what you didn’t get.
i don’t care
look – you spend your whole life trying to do and say what you want and not caring about what others think. you want to make everyone happy and you can try – but only your mind will suffer – and the people you are trying to keep happy won’t even know or care because they are also trying to get to the “not caring” stage of life. of course you care about your family and friends – but at the end of the day or at the end of life – it ain’t them lying there dying – it is you – and only you and your mind. but before you get there, you need to live your life and you need to do what you want to do. tell them “no”, tell them the truth, be straight, be forward, don’t waste time going round and round. don’t rethink things. say it and move on. yes, don’t be rude, but just say it like it is – don’t dwell on it. you must not care what anyone thinks – time is running out. if people can’t handle you talking straight to them – then they are not worth it. it is the test of life. you let them know – “this is what i think and that’s it.” they get it or they don’t. this is the test. you don’t care what other people think and they don’t care what other people think – then it is a match and it will work. be straight with them – that is the test. when you run the test, you get closer to not caring and you know who is with you and who is not. it is simple to understand but not simple to do.