as we get older, we wake up more in the middle of the night. this can be from worry, from light sleeping, from going to the bathroom. what happens next is trying to go back to sleep. this is when your original tiredness is gone and you now find it harder to go to sleep at 2,3,4,5am. you also start to think more and you start to worry about things in your life. this syncs with the feeling of uncertainty that happens very often in night time. night time is when the demons come out and prey on your usual insecurities. you sense of insecurity is heightened during night time. so when you wake up in the middle of the night and you can’t go back to sleep – this is phase 1 of going back to sleep. phase 1 is when your mind is racing and your insecurities are at a daily high level – much more than during the daytime. during phase 1, you are in a fight with yourself, with your insecurities, and with the clock. phase 2 kicks in after the 1st hour of being awake and this is a kinder phase – where you actually start to think about solutions to your problems. phase 3 is when your mind is getting tired again and try to go back to sleep. the 3 phases usually take 2 hours or less. what is key is that you recognize these 3 phases and you accept each phase as it comes to you in the middle of the night. if you understand these 3 phases and accept them, then you can actually wake up with some answers to your daily problems. remember – phase 1 – let your mind run and don’t get too discouraged with the insecurity onslaught. once you reach phase 2 – you are in the clear and can actually solve problems. for phase 3 – just settle back in and let your body disconnect from your mind – you will eventually fall asleep. i am still struggling with grasping these 3 phases but you can make progress and make the most out of these night time awakening scenarios – where they become more of an awakening in the metaphorical sense rather than a troubling experience of actually being awake in the middle of the night.
what is needed every day in life? you need food, water, shelter and encouragement. how about encouragement? what is encouragement? who needs encouragement? the answer – it is one of the most important things that you need in life on a continuing basis. how different is your life if someone gives you encouragement every day or every few days or even every week – all of these scenarios create a huge difference in someone’s life. it is not something that you think about all the time. it is not something tangible that you can hold or see. it is something that you can hear. we all have insecurities even if we don’t verbalize them all the time. our job is to push back these insecurities and move forward to make progress and reach our goals. many times you can just do it on your own because you start to have experience and you just push through based on what you have done in the past. but, when you tell someone about a problem that you are having or a doubt that you have about doing something – how wonderful it is when someone tells you back – “don’t worry, you can do it – you will be ok” you know that deep down you can probably do it without hearing these words, but when you do hear these words, especially when you are looking for encouragement – it is a game changer and it keeps you going and it keeps you pushing for what you need to make things happen and keep things on track in your life. so what you can do is find that person that you see or talk to all the time and you can ask them for encouragement. make sure that it is someone that is true and honest – someone that always tells you the truth. this is the person that will help get you through life – no matter how strong and organized we seem on the surface – we all need encouragement all the time. you can give encouragement back as well – you need to help others too. next time you need encouragement – ask for it and next time someone asks you for encouragement – give it.
when you see people that seem so cool and calm on the surface, you wonder – how can they do that? one theory is that they are actually insecure beneath it all and don’t feel they have the right to be arrogant or obnoxious. this is a good thing. the feeling of insecurity can act as a protective blanket against yourself and the world. you feel insecure and so you don’t go into the world like you own it – you are more humble and kind and cautious. you still have fun, you still get wild, you still express yourself – but you don’t do it in a bad way. yes, this can prevent you from reaching your fullest potential because in order to do that sometimes you need to be an ass – you need to think you are the shit – you need to walk without a care of others – you need to shed your insecurities to grab the brass ring. but on the whole – having insecure feelings can keep you grounded and guessing – and thus keep you as a calm, caring person on the outside. yes, this is an unkind way to present the good image – a negative force on the inside producing a positive effect on the outside – the interior mindset setting the stage for the exterior appearance. it proves that we all need something to fear to keep us on the right path. in this respect, insecurity is useful and good – it makes you a better person in the eyes of the world – but it doesn’t help your peace of mind. there is always a price. if you see a jack-ass coming down the street, then you know he needs to be more insecure to help create a balance – as the jack-ass attitude will get you in more trouble than an insecure mind. interesting dynamic.
look – you spend your whole life trying to do and say what you want and not caring about what others think. you want to make everyone happy and you can try – but only your mind will suffer – and the people you are trying to keep happy won’t even know or care because they are also trying to get to the “not caring” stage of life. of course you care about your family and friends – but at the end of the day or at the end of life – it ain’t them lying there dying – it is you – and only you and your mind. but before you get there, you need to live your life and you need to do what you want to do. tell them “no”, tell them the truth, be straight, be forward, don’t waste time going round and round. don’t rethink things. say it and move on. yes, don’t be rude, but just say it like it is – don’t dwell on it. you must not care what anyone thinks – time is running out. if people can’t handle you talking straight to them – then they are not worth it. it is the test of life. you let them know – “this is what i think and that’s it.” they get it or they don’t. this is the test. you don’t care what other people think and they don’t care what other people think – then it is a match and it will work. be straight with them – that is the test. when you run the test, you get closer to not caring and you know who is with you and who is not. it is simple to understand but not simple to do.
I will not care
I will be strong
I will change
I will be calm
I will grow up
I will be an adult
I will be nice
I will look beyond
I will not care anymore
I will be free of all this
I will change to save myself
I will not think of these things
I will move on
I will not dwell
I will not care ever again
End of story
there is nothing you can do. stop thinking about everything going on around you. the funny thing is nothing is really that important. everything is connected from moment to moment, event to event, experience to experience, interaction to interaction, conversation to conversation, gathering to gathering. but they are only connections of one thing to another. you live it and go on. people don’t think about you and they don’t think about why you did something or did not do something. they are just there, like you, moving from one thing to another. at the end of the day, they don’t think about what happened in the past because all that matters is the present and the future and the end. you will do what you are supposed to do. so stop thinking about everything and just do it – do what your mind and body will you to do. free your mind of these thoughts. walk with a free mind. don’t force yourself to do anything that your mind does not want you to do. be natural. be yourself. be calm. stop what you are thinking and free yourself from these thoughts.
so often we want to hide from it all. we want to stay home and not go out. we don’t want to see people all the time – we want to be alone or at home with family. this is ok. this is a normal feeling. but why do you see the same people out all the time – always looking happy, always acting like they want to see you. it is because they make themselves go out into society. they do this because they like being out in society or to keep themselves in the mix of society – to feel part of something, to have fun, to interact with others, to not be alone. there are folks that like to be alone, that don’t mind being alone, that like to chill all the time at home, away from society. this is a good thing if you are happy alone. but it can lead you to move further and further away from society – which can be detrimental to your well being, to your state of mind. therefore, even if you are perfectly happy sitting at home, you still must force yourself to go out into society, to be part of groups, to interact with others that you like and dislike. you must not hide, you must force yourself to go out into the world – to keep your mental health in balance and to face your fears.
jackasses are everywhere you look – in fact you can see one in the mirror as well – because we are all a pain in the ass once in awhile. but there are those folks that like to push your buttons and make you react. they want to see you go out of character and fly off the handle – especially in front of groups. they are the instigators that deliberately think about what to say to get you going. the first few times, you will fall for it – defending your pride or honor – they know how to get you upset. you must recognize these jackasses and you must not react. you must hold your tongue, you must not react, you must keep a calm, happy face, you must fake your feelings towards these people – don’t let them know that your non-reaction is a reaction. you must not react and then fake a nice reaction. they do not need to know what you are really thinking. this is hard to do if you are a person who shows their emotions all the time – and are known for showing emotions. you must gradually change your reactions. you must have controlled reactions most of the time and save loose reactions for more intimate friends. you can do this but you must work at it – you must deliberately put yourself above it all and be more mature in these public situations. next time – stop, think, don’t react.
why can’t we ever escape the social pressures of life. from youth to old age – social pressures exist. they don’t change and they don’t go away. there is always a constant reminder of social standing, social groups, social inclusion, social exclusion, social ups, social downs – everywhere we go and everywhere we look – social pressures are occurring. you can’t escape these things – good or bad – unless you become a hermit and leave the social scene. other than that – you have to clear your mind, you have to not let these trivial things affect you. yes, you still need to be social but you can move past any grief that social pressures cause. this is a battle in your mind. you have to convince yourself that these things don’t matter in the grand scheme of life. you have to be happy with the choices you make. you have to understand that if you have less desire to be social, then less social activity will come your way – and vice versa. also, if you decide to stand against social pressure, then keep that stance – don’t back track or waiver. life is about choices and choosing which choices are most important to keep your life going the way you want it to go. if you have to spend more time working, if you want to spend more time with your family, if you don’t feel like doing the extra work to gain new friends – then do all of these things to make the life you want to live. forget about what others are doing, forget about what others are saying – these things do not matter at all. what matters is living with your mind free of these trivial issues – which are not even issues at all – they are roadblocks put up in your own mind – preying on your own insecurities – making you feel bad – about really nothing at all.
your mind is always racing. you always overthink things. you wake up in the night stressing. you can’t even make simple decisions sometimes. life starts to push down on you. you don’t know what is the right decision or what is the wrong decision. you see people rising up – you see groups gathering. you allow peer pressure to still affect you – even years after high school. those dynamics are always there – it is you that has to evolve out of that cycle. you have to know that only family and a few friends matter. if you are happy with that – then stop taking your mind down the insecure path. until you reach the next level of existence – where you know what is important and what is not – you will still have these internal struggles. while you still go through these struggles – work them all out in your mind and with your loved ones – then go into the world with a calm facade. the truth is – everyone has to work to be calm in society – to just let things roll naturally. keep calm on the outside – and the turmoil on the inside will eventually fade. the rolling internal seas will merge with the calm waters that you keep pushing out to the world – an even flow will emerge for the finals stages of life.