limbo is ok. it is ok to be in limbo sometimes in life – in your job, with friends or family. it gives you time to reflect, to think, to plan for the next step. limbo is something that always happens in life to everyone at some stage. we keep going on a constant path, juggling all the things in life – our goal is to keep busy, to be productive, to strive for more, to gain more order in life, to understand more, to learn more, to experience more, to make mistakes, to learn from our mistakes, to be positive, to push harder, to have bad days, to have good days – and to be in limbo – long or short – we go into limbo in areas of our life. we get confused, we get out of sync, we get worried, we want to have routine back, we want to know what is next, we want to know what to expect each day, we don’t like limbo. but if you look at limbo as a good thing – as a thing to help us get through change, as a thing to help us understand who we are, as a thing to appreciate, as a time of reflection – then we can accept a state of limbo. but you must use limbo to prepare for the next organized phase. do not waste limbo. use limbo to your advantage to make the next stage better. limbo is good. embrace limbo like you should with all change. change will always come. limbo will sometimes come. embrace both and use them both to your advantage.
what is needed every day in life? you need food, water, shelter and encouragement. how about encouragement? what is encouragement? who needs encouragement? the answer – it is one of the most important things that you need in life on a continuing basis. how different is your life if someone gives you encouragement every day or every few days or even every week – all of these scenarios create a huge difference in someone’s life. it is not something that you think about all the time. it is not something tangible that you can hold or see. it is something that you can hear. we all have insecurities even if we don’t verbalize them all the time. our job is to push back these insecurities and move forward to make progress and reach our goals. many times you can just do it on your own because you start to have experience and you just push through based on what you have done in the past. but, when you tell someone about a problem that you are having or a doubt that you have about doing something – how wonderful it is when someone tells you back – “don’t worry, you can do it – you will be ok” you know that deep down you can probably do it without hearing these words, but when you do hear these words, especially when you are looking for encouragement – it is a game changer and it keeps you going and it keeps you pushing for what you need to make things happen and keep things on track in your life. so what you can do is find that person that you see or talk to all the time and you can ask them for encouragement. make sure that it is someone that is true and honest – someone that always tells you the truth. this is the person that will help get you through life – no matter how strong and organized we seem on the surface – we all need encouragement all the time. you can give encouragement back as well – you need to help others too. next time you need encouragement – ask for it and next time someone asks you for encouragement – give it.
as kids enter teens – you quickly start to see the attitude changes and the opportunity for parent/teen conflicts goes up 1000%. you are appalled by their behavior towards you – so you lash out at them – you yell more – you might even call them names without thinking. it happens fast and before you know it – you have acted rough towards them and you feel regretful immediately. you need to apologize to them quickly and keep telling them to care more for others, especially family. as you have heard forever – these are the trying times until they get older and start being nice again. you just need to take it slower – recognize that you are over-reacting – and be more patient. bite your tongue and don’t lash out as much – it will help avoid bad memories in the future.
it does breed contempt – no doubt about it. this is another part of human nature that you cannot control. it is in all of us. even the people closest to us like family – we do not like everything about them – we can’t because no one is perfect and no one can meet every expectation you have. you like every part about them, but there is always one habit or behavior you dislike. the longer you know someone – the longer you are around someone – you will eventually find something that you do not like about them. this is not a bad thing – this is human nature and the “endless” march of time coming together. it is inevitable that this will occur. your best friend for 50 years – there is something you do not like about them. your spouse of 50 years – something that gets to you. your parents – eventually they get on your nerves – and you breed some contempt. as long as we know this is part of human nature – just like hate, love, war, jealousy, greed, kindness, etc – then we know it is a natural thing that is a part of who we are. it is ok if this happens but try to keep it in check or you might find yourself alone one day. just another thing we have to manage as we try to keep our grip and keep our place in society.
when you see the mind start to go – it is a sad and terrible thing – especially in a parent. they can still talk to you and conversations are easy – but the confusion starts and the memory loss kicks in. though you can converse, there is not much detail anymore – general answers only. they can still eat, shower, read, clean up, dress – all the usual things in the normal way. but you do see the mind go a bit – repeating questions, repeating observations. you start to realize that things will never be the same. they can’t be alone anymore, they can’t remember to do the key things of each day – they can’t remember to eat or take their medicine – so even if they can do all the other things – if you don’t eat or take your meds – that is a problem – and it requires people to be there and to help get these things done to survive. as the child of the parent that is starting down this no-return path – you start to think about how will you set up the next stage for your parent – how do you make all the decisions – where will they live, how will they live – in a home or at home with the family. how much money is there to make these changes happen – to transition into this unfortunate phase. it happened quite fast – 6 months ago there was some forgetfulness – no biggie at the time – comes with older age – could last for years – but then in a flash – getting lost while driving the usual route, wandering down the street a bit, not getting dressed entirely – unusual things happening – and next thing you know, they are staying in your guest room and going home does not seem like a clear option anymore. you have to face it because they can’t face it anymore – their mind is in the last battle – trying to keep things normal but also knowing something is wrong which they can’t explain because it is their own mind that is confused – it is a never ending loop of confusion and the eyes are not as engaged as before – there is now a distance to them – brought on by this unseen confusion. you start to realize that when you talk with them, it won’t be remembered so you are really talking to yourself but it gives you comfort to hear them agree with you even though they don’t understand anymore. when you see the mind start to go, you realize that there is change coming – for them and for you
He was a generous man
He was a kind and caring man
He was a loyal man to his friends and family
He was a calm man
He was a thinking man
He was a very wise man
He took care of his family through and through – they had no needs or wants for Cel provided for everything
Cel was a very responsible man
He was a determined man
He was a man on a mission
He was a very accomplished man
He knew how to act in every situation
Friends and family looked up to him – and looked to him for guidance – for the right thing to do
Cel was an honest man and he didn’t need to say much to make you understand what he was thinking
He was a teacher as well – helping people along
If he had your back – you felt safe – he protected us all
He has taught us all lessons – we all have stories of how we learned from Cel
Cel is a man that will not be forgotten
He is a man that will be revered
We are all grateful to have Cel in our lives
Thank you Cel for everything you have done for us
We were lucky to have you
when you are young, you don’t notice much because you are too busy focusing on the moment. you don’t notice any problems going on in your family or if family members need your help. you are young so you figure the adults will take care of things. this goes on into your 20s – it’s all about you. but then you get older and you start to see the cracks of imperfection in your family tree – and this is normal – to see reality and for reality to be imperfect. once you get past the fact that nothing is perfect, including your family, you then start to realize that people need help. people are not perfect and people fall down all the time. naturally, you first look to take care of your own problems and your own immediate family – and this is your first priority. but then you realize that people in your extended family need your help. so you must help them as well. you must talk to them, you must console them, you must try to comfort them – and talk them through their problems. you must not give up helping others – you must continue to help your family and friends as long as you can. all people need help sometime – so help them if you can. one day you will need help too.
look – you spend your whole life trying to do and say what you want and not caring about what others think. you want to make everyone happy and you can try – but only your mind will suffer – and the people you are trying to keep happy won’t even know or care because they are also trying to get to the “not caring” stage of life. of course you care about your family and friends – but at the end of the day or at the end of life – it ain’t them lying there dying – it is you – and only you and your mind. but before you get there, you need to live your life and you need to do what you want to do. tell them “no”, tell them the truth, be straight, be forward, don’t waste time going round and round. don’t rethink things. say it and move on. yes, don’t be rude, but just say it like it is – don’t dwell on it. you must not care what anyone thinks – time is running out. if people can’t handle you talking straight to them – then they are not worth it. it is the test of life. you let them know – “this is what i think and that’s it.” they get it or they don’t. this is the test. you don’t care what other people think and they don’t care what other people think – then it is a match and it will work. be straight with them – that is the test. when you run the test, you get closer to not caring and you know who is with you and who is not. it is simple to understand but not simple to do.
this whole life thing can be confusing and can leave us just sitting there not knowing what to do or what to think about it all. but i think the one rule of thumb for getting through the idea of thinking about life is to not ponder on it too long. if we do ponder on why things happen and what is happening – it will leave us frustrated. this includes all the stages we go through and our kids go through – from youth to adulthood to old age. it is easier to ponder your own trip through these stages because you are personally living in these stages and you won’t feel sad about going from stage to stage – you will accept it rather quickly. you will say “wow, it is going fast and i am getting old” – but you will accept it – you have to. on the other hand – when it comes to accepting your kids going through these same stages – and you are there guiding them through the youth to adulthood stage – it can be more difficult to accept. you don’t want to see them grow up but you do want them to grow up. it not only accentuates your own march to the end but it just hits your heart to let go more and more. that is why we must not ponder on this too much – it will only hurt and confuse us more. you will ponder a bit – but then quickly move on with life. this is out of our control so no need to waste too many feelings in this area. each stage is exciting – so enjoy it, accept it – and don’t ponder for long – not healthy.
you cannot compare one child to the next, you cannot compare one sibling to the next. each child has his/her own personality. each child has strengths and each child has weaknesses – just like every other person on this earth. your sibling is good at this and you are good at that. you have to recognize your strengths and weaknesses and you have to embrace them. you cannot compare yourself to others. you will live the life your are supposed to live. one might take a traditional path and be very happy – and another might take the path less traveled and be happy. one might go to this college and one might go to that college – and both can be very happy with their path. one might take this job and one might take that job – both being happy. one might live in the country and one might live in the city – both happy. do not compare yourself to others – because you are not them and they are not you. otherwise you will be miserable over something you cannot control.