i am beginning to believe that this is all part of human nature. we don’t want to be mean –it just happens. and most of the time it happens in our own mind –so the rest of the world doesn’t even hear us being mean or they rarely know that we are being mean. you see someone or hear someone saying something–and your mind quickly goes into action –and sometimes the thoughts that come into your mind are mean and critical thoughts about that person –it might even be “that was a stupid thing to do –what a dope”. but most of the time you don’t say it aloud. so the reality is we are all mean to other people at some point or another –and this is due to human nature and to your experiences in life. it could be as simple as bad manners. you were brought up with the best manners, for example, and you see someone chewing with their mouth open –and you immediately go to mean thoughts in your mind –but you do not say anything. this is the most common example of being mean –you say these mean thoughts in your mind and the only thing you need to worry about is your self-guilt for saying these things. you tell yourself–“don’t think those mean things about people –be a better person”. the 2nd phase is the hard one –where you think mean thoughts and then you say them aloud –immediately altering the image of yourself in the eyes of others. they start to think –“that is a mean person” –and thus your reputation as a mean person grows and you soon find yourself alone or hanging out with other mean people. this is the hardest thing to master –almost to the point of changing your personality a bit. if you are a hyper person like i am, then your mind races faster than your mouth and sometimes things slip out –because you want to make your comment right away –you often skip the part of making sure the comment is a good one to say aloud. i do this all the time–at least once a week–where i say a stupid comment and think to myself –oh, shit! –did i just say a mean comment aloud. but i have made some progress –i do find myself going through the comments in my mind and then skipping over them and not saying them aloud –knowing that they would hurt someone. but i am not out of the woods yet –it must come with older age –where patience sets in and you begin to understand that it is better to listen most of the time rather than speak all the time. each close call i have makes me think more about this process. i need to slow down a bit and have fewer missteps -i need to practice more.
this is a bitch of a topic! i mean– my first and only approach in this area is to always put family first in everything you do. which you should always do. plus, you should always never judge family and always take the high road when it comes to family. at the end of the day –all you will have left is family –whether that is good or bad–it is the simple fact. you do not want to cause conflict with your family and you need to bite your tongue with your family –after all this is your family. the same family that you grew up with or the same family that you raised. there was a time in the beginning where you looked on to your family members with eyes of adoration. you looked at your baby or you looked at your mother with complete eyes of loyalty and devotion. you looked at your brother or you looked at your sister with love and affection. you used to laugh with your family, you used have fun with your family –back in the times of innocence and fresh starts. you never thought those days would end, you never thought conflict would arise, you never thought people would change. but things do change and phases of life come and go –and conflict can occur in family. this is when this concept will be tested –this concept of “family first”. do you take the high road if you have been wronged by family? do you never judge your family when judgement is called into question? do you forgive every time? we will all be challenged by family member actions. what do you do? you want your sister to call you after a fight because you think it was her fault. this leads to a rift developing –one that might never be healed. but, don’t play this BS game–call her up –take the high road each time and stop the rift. make family first because it is the right thing to do –it will make you a better person in the long run. the long-time love bond of family is always there –but sometimes you forget. put family first unless a crime has been committed. in that case, this concept goes out the window. they then become strangers and are no longer family.