hanging out with yourself

this just came to me! (actually yesterday) — we all like to hang out with the person we know best –right?  and that person is someone just like you, right?  they have the same interests, they like the same food and drink, they like the same sports teams, they wear the same type of clothes, they have the same manners and mannerisms, right?  but who is this person?  the answer is simple!  these folks are your kids!  think about it — you inadvertently create a little you just by showing them everything they need to know to get on in the world –like this food is great, but that food is no good, so we won’t ever cook it in the house –so most likely the kids will never eat it as well.  you then root for your college team and want your kids to go to your college as well –and all they know from the start is rah rah go state!  then you have great manners and push that on the kids as well –so everyone has the same manners.  this goes on and on –so eventually you are older and you hang out with your kids all the time because you are just alike, because you created it that way –it’s natural and if you think about it — it is awesome that you can create friends that will stick with you for life –and they are just like you!

grab the moment

what does this mean?  it means that you are supposed to take in the moment when you realize that you are having a moment.  so this is what you try to do, right?  you see yourself playing with your kids, so you hug them and squeeze them a bit more –to really feel the moment.  you look at them and engage with them more.  you might grab the camera or video and capture the moment –to be able to look back at this moment so that you can hold onto the moment a bit more in the future.  but then the moment passes and you move on to a routine moment of each day –setting the table, having dinner, doing dishes, etc.  these are not the moments you grab hold of.  you then wait for the next big moment to arrive so you cab grab it and capture it again.  this is truly trying to live in the moment –when you take it all in –whether on a cool trip or playing with the kids on a Saturday afternoon –these moments are so fleeting –much more so than the usual moments –you want to be in them all the time, but that is not possible –life goes on.  it is exciting to recognize the moment –but it is sad to see them go so quickly.  keep finding these moments and then string them all together to make your life so that when you look back you see nothing but exciting moments that you grabbed and tried to hold on to.  really, this is all that we will have at the end.

this is it

we don’t look for “it” moments, but every once in a while you look around and say –“this is it”.  it could be a variety of things that trigger this feeling –and the fact that you have a chance to experience this moment means that you have glimpsed into what we all strive for –what we all work for –what we all live for –to have these moments -because before you know it –life is over and then we say–“why did we live” –well–you live for these “it” moments.  i had one last night –sitting by the fire, watching football, christmas tree all aglow, kids laughing, sipping some red wine, bing crosby singing “white christmas” sweetly in the background –this was my moment –this is what i lived for –this was perfect –what a feeling to sit there for a few moments and know that this was it –why we woke up, why we went to work, why we lived, why we never gave up –to have these moments.  that is all i have to say –just waiting for the next moment to come upon me –hope you have yours too -because without them, there is no purpose.

over the edge

what provokes someone to go over the edge?  i guess we all have it in us to go this way –but most of us never push that button.  but some do and do so with major repercussions.  oftentimes it stems from depression.  we get depressed –but not for a day –for many days, for weeks, for months –and this drives us over the edge.  it could drive us to take our own life or someone else’s.  it is so bizarre to see someone go this way –to see this bizarre behavior –to see that this is not a person that we all knew –to see that they act very strangely in their final acts –to see them act so methodically in deciding that they wish to die –either due to loneliness or to physical pain or to stress from work or to pressure from family or to financial strain.  we all go through life following a routine that keeps us on the path –that keeps us from going over the edge.  then 1 day, change occurs –like it has in the past –but this time you cannot adapt as you have done before –this time you fall off the path and cannot get back on–this time your mind is altered and then you move from “he was always very calm and nice” to “why did he do that, why did he take his own life” –very bizarre –but seen over and over in life.  we need routine, we need habits, we need stability to keep from going over the edge.  because when you do go over the edge and take your life –it is the people who are left that feel the most pain.  but you don’t care like you used to –you don’t care what people say or how they find you –you don’t care anymore.  you might think you are helping those left behind, but you are not.  you have just gone off this path that you try to keep on from the beginning –you can’t get back on–you can’t get those happy innocent days of the past –you see fewer answers –eventually leading to a bizarre choice and a bizarre ending.  but why? ( not the clinical or psychological answer) –just why?