kids growing up

there is something about it that is hard to consciously discover –you know what i mean –you can’t put your finger on it.  i think i have it though.  it is the strange dynamic that is probably not unknown.  it is the balance that you hope naturally develops.  when they are babies, you look at them and you hug them and you kiss them over and over –it’s like a ball of joy that you look at all the time –you are infatuated with them –it is really a blissful time.  you never want this time to end, you never want them to grow up, you want to always hold them and keep them.  but something happens as they start to grow.  you start to see them as little people and a detachment from the baby infatuation starts to occur.  of course you still love them to bits, but it is a new type of love –it is a love that changes and grows with each year –it is better this way because to stay at the baby infatuation phase would not be good for the long run –it would make it much harder to let go when the time comes naturally.  this is why our love changes –to protect us and to protect the kids.  this is why when they whine, they now get on your nerves a bit –not like when they were babies –they never got on your nerves.  it is good that they get on your nerves, so that you can let them go more easily and so that you can transition into the empty nest stage.  you need to have a few rough spots with them–to help you let go –because when they are 18, you should want to let them go –this is why the adolescent stage is so tough on all involved –to break the infatuation bond –to be infatuated is not a healthy approach to life.  but, while you are in growing stages –relish every moment –get all that you can from it –then you will be ready to change –but enjoy these good old days –don’t let them pass without moments of joy –even though you have to say goodbye one day –it is a bitch that things happen this way –such a conflict of emotions –like trying to end this thought –can’t do it gracefully

addicted to tv

you know you are and if you are not –then get yourself a damn medal because if you are under 50 and don’t watch tv then you have escaped one of the greatest addictions of all time. hey, i know it is not necessarily a bad thing to be addicted to tv –you need that fix where you don’t focus on the BS going around in your world –whether it is those screaming kids or that pain in the ass boss –you have to get away sometime and tv is the cheapest and most available way to get away. the problem is that you get hooked on certain shows and these shows go on for years –they hook you and you are running to watch them each week –plus when one show ends for the year, there is the next addiction-laden show around the corner. you can only break a part of the addiction when a show ends forever –like Lost –i was hooked and now i am free –but lurking in the early summer days is another one ready to hook me. i do need to break away altogether, but still catching up on my DVR stuff –it is like an obligation to watch what you have recorded –that is the only way to free up space on the dvr –right?? anyway–you and i are screwed–we will keep watching and keep wasting away hours that we could have spent inventing the next frisbee -or reading books and gaining knowledge –but screw it –we are only on this dust ball for a few years –might as well kick back and watch tv –gotta run –housewives is on (well, on the dvr)