we all give to people we know.  we give gifts, we give love, we give hugs, we give time, we give work, we give effort.  we do give.  it is a natural part of life.  but we rarely give time or money to others that are not our friends or family.  we rarely donate time or money to charities.  we all need to give to charities.  we need to look at local charities first.  we need to help those close to home. we need to help veterans, we need to help the homeless, we need to help the sick, we need to help the less fortunate.  we need to pick a charity every month and we need to donate time or money to that charity.  once you start to give in this way, you will realize how wonderful it is to give.  don’t expect anything in return.  but if you do get a thank you, it will be a powerful thank you.  give only to give.  it is very rewarding.  do it and you will see.

routine, not control

we all get into routines.  we all need routines.  you need a routine to stay on track.  you need a routine to stay sane.  a routine is good for your physical and mental health.  without routines, we would be lost.  it is the natural flow of life to fall into routines.  once the routine is set, we don’t need to think about it.  you fall into a routine without even noticing.  life is made up of a series of routines.  a routine determines what you do in life and when you do things in the day, the week, the month, the year and throughout your life.  the routine controls most of your actions.  but sometimes routines can cause conflicts.  this happens when people think that you are trying to control a situation or a decision, especially in a relationship – when it might just be that you are letting your routine guide you.  you are not trying to control everything, you are following your routine – and sometimes that can be seen as control, not routine.  look at what you are doing and see if it is part of your routine – and you are not deliberately trying to exert control over someone else’s life.  you should align your routines with your partner’s routines – to avoid conflict and misunderstanding.  if you are a good match and have similar interests, then the routines should naturally align.  but if conflict arises, just refer to the routines and see if that is the issue.  if it is not, then you might be trying to control someone.

don’t say 90%

don’t say 90% of what you are thinking.  thoughts come into your mind every second.  do this, do that, say this, say that.  you think so much that you have to learn not to blurt out your thoughts while you are eating – don’t talk with your mouth full.  you want to say something as soon as it comes into our mind so that you don’t forget what you just thought.  you even pause the tv to say something – knowing that it will be gone if you continue to watch.  you want to get your point across.  you want to talk all the time.  and most of us do talk all the time.  but at some point, you have to stop talking all the time.  as you get older, you just get tired of talking all the time.  this helps you stop talking all the time – getting older.  in fact, you must try to not say 90% of what you are thinking.  most of what you are thinking can be a negative against other people.  you do think positive thoughts as well, but we all think negative thoughts almost as much.  it is because you are used to a certain way, a certain person, a certain look, a certain everything.  so when you see something outside of your norm – you automatically go to the negative – why do they look like that, why do they talk like that, who do they think they are, etc.  it could even be when interacting with a loved one – you want to voice your opinion, but sometimes it can be a cruel opinion.  so stop before you speak and screen out 90% of what you about to say to someone.  this is evolving, this is growing wiser, this is how you stay ahead in life.  you might even listen more and you might show real interest in what other people have to say.

the wall of the 40s

if you have run a marathon or know about marathons, then you know that in every marathon, there is a wall.  this is a wall that you must bust through in order to go on and finish the race successfully – which means crossing the finish line.  everyone knows the analogies between life and marathons – the idea that life is a marathon.  if you can live your life like you run a marathon, then there is a good chance you can make it through with some success and satisfaction.  but it is very hard to think and live in these terms.  how can you look at life, think of it as a marathon, and then act in the way a marathon is run.  it is hard to do.  you are in the moment and you want to jump, shout, talk, move, etc.  you don’t want to be patient, calm, reserved, etc. – like you would in a marathon.  but in reality, you must learn to think and act this way – no matter what.  you will do it on your own or you will be forced to do it – to live life like a marathon.  this brings us to the wall of every marathon and of every life.  it is there waiting for you to bust through or not bust through.  and this wall sits in your 40’s.  the 40’s is the most challenging decade.  you are through the experimental 20’s, the getting used to adulthood 30’s, the fun 40th birthday time period.  time starts to run out and you can just start to see the end of the tunnel – years down the road, but now you notice it.  you have the most burdens in life – kids, bills, middle marriage years, career challenges, time flying by very fast, kids moving to the exit, prep for college costs, retirement only 20 yrs away – it is a crazy time.  this is why the 40’s represent the wall of life’s marathon.  this is why you must recognize the wall, this is why you must keep moving and bust through the wall.  knowing that the wall is there and that it is supposed to be there during this time – will help you get through it.  all marathoners know the feeling of getting through the wall and they know how hard it is to get through the wall.  you can either keep running through the wall or stop and walk through the wall.  either way – see the wall, recognize the wall, get through the wall.  it should be better on the other side – just like in the marathon race.

you have to be bored

what can you do.  you have hit the mid-life phase.  you have family, wife to work for.  you can’t just quit your job.  you have to keep working no matter what – to keep the train going.  you also want to see your family as much as possible.  you don’t want a job that has you traveling all over.  you want to grab these fleeting days/weeks/months/years with your kids before they fly the coop for good.  you have to make that your main focus.  to do this, you must sometimes do jobs that are not as exciting as the ones you had in the past.  the jobs that were in the big city – things were moving fast.  you never watched the clock.  you had less stress in all areas.  kids were very young – stared at them all weekend – they were the entertainment.  now they are growing up – becoming more expensive – you want to see them as often as possible – so you stay in your current job.  this is to pay the bills – to see them – to keep things going – until they go to college.  you have to make sacrifices.  you have to be bored with your job – you have to accept the boredom – you have to accept the monotony of the job.  you have to get that check every 2 weeks.  you have to suck it up and keep going.  you have to do this for the family.  this you must learn.  you can’t just jump from job to job.  you have to be precise in your movements.  you have to be precise in your judgement.  you have to be methodical in your jumping.  you have everything hanging on you.  they are not letting go – they are getting heavier by the year.  you must slog on.  you must be bored.  you have to be bored.  it is a marathon.  be bored, push on – change will come when the time is right or when you wake up one day and say enough is enough.  but do you really have a choice.  yes, but only a calculated choice now – no more missteps – you can’t afford it now.  maybe later.