you must reform. everyone must reform to make it all the way. we go along carelessly for many years and reality finally hits you. you then must reform your old ways – in every area. you must make adjustments – you can’t go on recklessly forever – you won’t make it. we are all forced to reform one way or another – we just don’t realize it. and when we reform, we also conform, we fall into trusted habits, to survive, to get to the finish line the way we want to – with dignity still intact, with pride still intact, with family still intact. reform is not a choice, it is forced upon you – as you see the tide rising, the waves crashing higher, the light growing dimmer – you know that you have to change your habits – you see the trouble coming – so you do what human nature tells you to do – you reform, you adjust, you change your ways. this is not a bad thing – this is a good thing, especially if you can see it earlier – and not too late. but even if too late, you can still save some face. in any area of your life where you see troubling signs – start to reform – it is the only answer.
you have to be bored
what can you do. you have hit the mid-life phase. you have family, wife to work for. you can’t just quit your job. you have to keep working no matter what – to keep the train going. you also want to see your family as much as possible. you don’t want a job that has you traveling all over. you want to grab these fleeting days/weeks/months/years with your kids before they fly the coop for good. you have to make that your main focus. to do this, you must sometimes do jobs that are not as exciting as the ones you had in the past. the jobs that were in the big city – things were moving fast. you never watched the clock. you had less stress in all areas. kids were very young – stared at them all weekend – they were the entertainment. now they are growing up – becoming more expensive – you want to see them as often as possible – so you stay in your current job. this is to pay the bills – to see them – to keep things going – until they go to college. you have to make sacrifices. you have to be bored with your job – you have to accept the boredom – you have to accept the monotony of the job. you have to get that check every 2 weeks. you have to suck it up and keep going. you have to do this for the family. this you must learn. you can’t just jump from job to job. you have to be precise in your movements. you have to be precise in your judgement. you have to be methodical in your jumping. you have everything hanging on you. they are not letting go – they are getting heavier by the year. you must slog on. you must be bored. you have to be bored. it is a marathon. be bored, push on – change will come when the time is right or when you wake up one day and say enough is enough. but do you really have a choice. yes, but only a calculated choice now – no more missteps – you can’t afford it now. maybe later.
when you are a kid, you need to gradually figure out how to discipline yourself in the study area – and create good study habits. these study habits will carry over to your work life. you need to allot certain hours of the day to study. you need to study more in the daytime than in the nighttime – or this will create a bad cycle of less sleep, less study, etc. you need to stay away from cell phones, etc. during the week -limit your time using the phone during the week – save it for the weekend. you need to create a fun-work balance – this carries over to the real world down the road. you need to quickly see that social life should not outweigh study-life. you need to see this on your own or you need to be made to see this. the mantra is study more in the daytime and use less data. you are smart enough to do very well but you still must take time to study and do the things you must do to succeed.
it is strange when you realize that your spirit is being broken – by another person, relationship, job, etc. it is a strange feeling when you cannot express your thoughts, ideas, feelings anymore. they are not needed, they are discarded, they are ignored – so you feel the spirit breaking and you just close your mouth and accept what is going on around you. you still go through the motions and you still do what is expected – but you also realize that the spirit is in the process of being broken. if you have to stay in the current spirit-breaking situation – you have 2 choices – let the spirit break and become a different person or don’t let the spirit break, but quietly adapt to the situation. you have to be strong to fight against the spirit breaking process. but you can do it. the 1st step is to realize that this process is happening. when you realize, you can then control yourself. you need to stay in this situation for now – you know that. if you don’t – simple – get out. but let’s assume you need to stay for now. so, realize what is going on, then start to protect the spirit – keep it tucked away – back in your mind and soul. you then need to function without the spirit – almost like a robot. do what you are supposed to do – take all emotion out – go day by day – and relax when away from the situation – be yourself so that you don’t change. but when in the situation, be the robot, be the person that is required to keep things going. the last thing to do is think about how to get out of the situation when you are ready. stay in it as long as you need to – then prepare to get out. you must get out in the end – otherwise no sense in protecting the spirit. you are protecting the spirit so that you can set it free again – to be yourself again 100%. this is not new – people have to do this all the time. so do it and keep your unbroken spirit safe.
the beat down
we have all been beaten down by someone at some point in our lives. this is not a physical beat down, but a mental, emotional beat down. to be beaten down is to harass, subdue, or crush the spirit of – as defined in the dictionary. these defined words are quite accurate. people can crush your spirit, they can harass you, they can subdue you – they can make you not care as much as you normally would about a relationship, a task or a job. we have all felt this way on the job. your opinion doesn’t matter – just do what we say and we will crush your spirit in the meantime. keep doing your job, but do it better because what you are doing is not enough. why do we continue to take this beat down – because we need the money, we need the job, we are too lazy to look for another job, we think things will get better, we think the company will hit the big time one day and we will all benefit – but we just have to endure the beat down to get there. many could not do what you do. they would have walked out on day 2. but you can take the beat down. you have learned to accept it because you have another life outside of work and that life keeps you going – it keeps you happy – but the beat down can occasionally spill into your happy life, causing some problems – but not enough to affect it too much – not enough to quit. you actually like what you are doing at work – but you must endure the beat down to stay there. sometimes you want to quit – sometimes they want to fire you – but it doesn’t happen and you keep going – day after day, week after week, month after month – and then year after year. you get used to it – they get used to you. it becomes normal – but it is not normal. you do learn how to cope better – you do learn how to be patient – you do learn how to be calm. that is all good – but don’t let the beat down break your spirit – it can crush it but not break it. you need to get through at the end – stronger, wiser – and with the same zest for life. you will endure the beat down as long as you are supposed to endure it – and not one day longer. all results will be good because the next phase won’t have the beat down. this is your time to endure the beat down – so suck it up, evolve, and move on.
the arnold lesson
there are many reasons why benedict arnold did what he did. but one of the key reasons was his need for money. he was tight for money, he had debt piling up, he could barely provide for his family, he was desperate and stressed out. he didn’t see a way out of his troubles – he only saw everything closing in around him. he started to think like a desperate man – looking to do anything to get back on his feet fast. he was not patient. he was not tolerant. he was not loyal. he was not faithful. he was not trustworthy. he was not stable. he was not steady. he was not logical. he was not reasonable. he turned against everything he believed to get out of trouble fast. and this is the key lesson that arnold provides to the rest of us. we hear of tragedy, desperation and failure every day. these are things that have become commonplace in our world. every minute of every day someone gives up. they see their world closing in around them, just like arnold did. they look frantically for a way out fast and they are willing to give up everything they have ever believed to get quickly out of their troubles. this is the arnold way of thinking. this is the wrong way of thinking. right now you could be facing troubles. right now you could believe that your world is closing around you. you want to give up or you want to do things that you are not supposed to do – to get out of these troubles. but you must never give up and you must always stay the course. you must be patient and you must be tolerant and you must be steady in your actions and you must be loyal to your principles. you must not throw it all away to find a quick fix. you will get out of these troubles only if you keep going and never give up. arnold made the wrong move and his lesson has served as a good reminder of what not do to. apply the arnold lesson to your life. things will get better if you only keep going and don’t give up.
you need to keep putting the sandbags on the wall to keep the wall from breaking. this is what we do in life – we keep putting more and more sandbags on the wall. we must not let the wall break, we must find more sandbags, we must never give up on this one task. if we can’t find more sandbags and we can’t keep fortifying the wall – then the wall will crack and break and everything will come tumbling down upon us. this is the most dire of events that leads to the most drastic life changes – the loss of your house, the loss of your job, the loss of your family, the loss of your hope, the loss of a life – these are the things that happen when we stop putting sandbags on the wall of life. you must always search for sandbags – this search never stops until the day you die. if you keep searching and you keep trying, you will find those sandbags and you will help keep the wall intact. yes, cracks will appear in the wall – this is life. but, you must never let the wall collapse altogether. you must do what you have to do to keep the wall up and to keep the sandbags coming. a perfect wall does not exist – everyone must find sandbags to stop the cracks from getting bigger. whether it is a financial burden that is causing the cracks or an emotional burden – you must not stop what you are doing – you must tolerate the people and events around you to keep the sandbags coming – you must put up with things you want to give up on – you must tolerate being around people that you don’t want to be around. you must be calm and patient and tolerant – for the sake of keeping the wall together. you must do these things and you must learn to live through these things. that is why they say life is hard – because we all have to do things that we don’t want to do in order to keep the sandbags coming to keep each of our own walls from tumbling down.
the dojo is cool. it is a mix of american flags, ying and yang, U2 music, strobe lights, trophys, pictures of champions, mirrors, mats, cubbies for your shoes. it is a place where you learn shit that you have no idea about. it is a place where you find out more about how to use your body. it is a place where you gain confidence. it is a place where you meet cool people, providing that it is not some a-hole running the shop and fortunately in my case –the guy is cool. thus his dojo has a cool vibe and attracts other cool types –mostly musicians, surfers, carpenters –people that are used to using their hands–unlike me. each time in the dojo, i learn more. it is a fascinating experience to actually learn something new every week –but also to know that a new learning is guaranteed and expected. you also need the dojo master to be an exceptional teacher because if you do not understand what is trying to be taught in the dojo, then you will get lost. yes, there is discipline–but it is not extreme. do not go to a dojo with extreme discipline unless you need it. the dojo is cool –a bit strange, but still cool. try it , you only live once.