looking back

when you look back past your life and all the way back to your parents’ lives – to when they met and got married – and then you see the path they took and you see how old they were – and you then compare to your life, to your age at certain parts of your path – you then start to realize how young your parents were when they got married, when they had kids, why they had marital troubles if they did – why they might have divorced – you start to see it all very clearly.  you think about what you did in your 20s – and how getting married and having kids in early-mid 20s might have been major challenges to a relationship.  you then see the paths they took and then you see that their lives did not always end in glory or in a way ever imagined.  they had dreams too – they wanted to get to a comfortable place too.  they wanted to be safe and secure – they wanted to succeed.  they are just like you – they are only human – their paths changed too – they are just trying to hold on to life like you – they are trying to keep their grip every day.  it is a funny thing when you really look back at your parents’ lives and you compare to yours and you see what they had to do and you see what you have to do – and these are the secrets not always revealed – you just have to look and compare – and you will understand more about you and about them.

don’t overanalyze

don’t overanalyze the relationships that you are in – especially your main relationship with your wife, husband, significant other.  if you overanalyze every little thing that is said or every little thing that happens in the relationship – then you will not have that relationship much longer.  so often we wear down the people we love with continuous analyzation – this happens all the time and it leads to many break-ups.  the other person is there because you love them and they love you – for who you are and for who they are.  they are not there for you to analyze them.  yes, you can question things.  yes, you can disagree.  yes, you can dispute things.  but, no, you cannot analyze them over and over.  you cannot analyze everything they say and do.  this is not the way a relationship should be.  stop overanalyzing them right now – or the end will come.  they put up with your continuous analyzation because they love you.  but one day they will take no more and it will be over.  stop yourself from asking too many questions and from overanalyzing everything.  stop yourself.  don’t overanalyze.

10 deaths, 10 divorces

such is life, such are the odds and such are the individual destinies of us all.  in the past 7 years, i have known 10 couples to divorce and 10 people that have died (in middle age or earlier).  we all know that these things happen in life – and early on in life, we see these things happening from afar.  but as you get older, as you hit the 40’s, 50’s – it comes crashing closer and closer to home.  on the death front, you wonder why they went so early in life and you hold your dear ones closer – praying that you are not next and being more grateful for what you have in life – so stop complaining – you are not dead yet.  on the divorce front – it is an even bigger shock sometimes.  you see that perfect couple and divorce never even crosses your mind.  but then one day you see the wife shoveling the snow or the husband not showing up at social events – and the signals start to mount.  it is a shock to think that they went through all those years together, having kids, raising kids, building careers together, going through tough times – and then one day they quit the relationship – they fall out of love almost as quick as when they fell into it.  this cannot be explained easily – why did this person wake up one day and say “I’m done”.  most likely things were boiling under the surface for years – unknown to other person in the relationship and certainly unknown to the rest of the world.  it is a tragedy that will affect many people in their world – especially the kids.  and such is one of the big mysteries of life – one day we are happy and one day we are not.