it is sad, but you wanted the day to come –strange dichotomy. you want them to get out of your hair, but then you miss them in the same thought. when the last one goes off to elementary school, you enter a new phase in your life with your wife. you had at least one of them around most of the time, but now, after 7 years the freedom begins again. you get more things done, you start saving and making more money, you get better organized and the last 7 years seem like a blur raising them from cuddly babies to kids with a ‘tude. they still cling, but not as much, they still whine, but not as much, they still cuddle, but not as much –the relationship has shifted, but if you did indeed cherish all the key moments with them over the last 7 years –you should be ok. it is like anything –memories fade, life goes on and you live moment to moment –with new surprises and new things to look forward to. but deep down you miss them –and you miss their time growing up more than you miss your own childhood –you remember their childhood more than your own -crazy how that works. soon you will remember your grand-kids childhood more than your kid’s childhood –it is coming fast, but not so fast. take a picture of your kid biking off to school –it will help in the future.
hitting the weights
get in there and hit those bloody weights –i mean make it worth something –you are pissed about something –get in there and take it out on the weights or treadmill or whatever. the point is every day we come across shit that pisses us off –right? don’t BS me–nobody is really that damn nice –even if you show it on the outside, even if you are the quietest person –like a fricking mouse –you still get pissed off –we all do! so get in there and curse like nobody while you pump the weights –tell yourself that you are not going to take that shit, that you will push through and make it happen, that little BS things happen all the time and it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. the reality is we only get pissed off because of insecurities that surface during daily BS –and these insecurities push us to the negative of things happening and going on –then we are like WTF and we get pissed. so get past the insecurity BS and guess what? the only thing that matters is what you think because we are only here for a few years and people kick the bucket every day –so don’t waste time dwelling when the bucket is coming regardless. feel better? I do.
cutting the grass
what a pain in the ass! we are trapped by this suburban BS where each week we have to cut the grass and trim the hedges and trim the driveway and weed whack the edges and blow it all into a pile. we sweat like dogs for 2 hours while we do this process over and over –week after week –all to keep up appearances in the hood. this hood is of course the doldrums of suburbia –where you might have a moment once a week to sit down and have a beer to contemplate your existence in this suburban plight. how did this all come about? we once lived a fast paced life out in the real world–and now we live a fast paced life in our own homes –keeping up with the kids, etc –but if you look out the window, you see the slow-paced life of suburbia –an invisible bubble that we are inevitably trapped in until all the kids leave home –then we sell the house and go back to the real world –if you have enough bread to actually do this –can you tell I’m bored? So bored that this post did not come from a spontaneous thought –so actually a boring post–sorry –I see a blade out of place on the lawn –have to run!! (I mean mow)
kids growing up
there is something about it that is hard to consciously discover –you know what i mean –you can’t put your finger on it. i think i have it though. it is the strange dynamic that is probably not unknown. it is the balance that you hope naturally develops. when they are babies, you look at them and you hug them and you kiss them over and over –it’s like a ball of joy that you look at all the time –you are infatuated with them –it is really a blissful time. you never want this time to end, you never want them to grow up, you want to always hold them and keep them. but something happens as they start to grow. you start to see them as little people and a detachment from the baby infatuation starts to occur. of course you still love them to bits, but it is a new type of love –it is a love that changes and grows with each year –it is better this way because to stay at the baby infatuation phase would not be good for the long run –it would make it much harder to let go when the time comes naturally. this is why our love changes –to protect us and to protect the kids. this is why when they whine, they now get on your nerves a bit –not like when they were babies –they never got on your nerves. it is good that they get on your nerves, so that you can let them go more easily and so that you can transition into the empty nest stage. you need to have a few rough spots with them–to help you let go –because when they are 18, you should want to let them go –this is why the adolescent stage is so tough on all involved –to break the infatuation bond –to be infatuated is not a healthy approach to life. but, while you are in growing stages –relish every moment –get all that you can from it –then you will be ready to change –but enjoy these good old days –don’t let them pass without moments of joy –even though you have to say goodbye one day –it is a bitch that things happen this way –such a conflict of emotions –like trying to end this thought –can’t do it gracefully
addicted to tv
you know you are and if you are not –then get yourself a damn medal because if you are under 50 and don’t watch tv then you have escaped one of the greatest addictions of all time. hey, i know it is not necessarily a bad thing to be addicted to tv –you need that fix where you don’t focus on the BS going around in your world –whether it is those screaming kids or that pain in the ass boss –you have to get away sometime and tv is the cheapest and most available way to get away. the problem is that you get hooked on certain shows and these shows go on for years –they hook you and you are running to watch them each week –plus when one show ends for the year, there is the next addiction-laden show around the corner. you can only break a part of the addiction when a show ends forever –like Lost –i was hooked and now i am free –but lurking in the early summer days is another one ready to hook me. i do need to break away altogether, but still catching up on my DVR stuff –it is like an obligation to watch what you have recorded –that is the only way to free up space on the dvr –right?? anyway–you and i are screwed–we will keep watching and keep wasting away hours that we could have spent inventing the next frisbee -or reading books and gaining knowledge –but screw it –we are only on this dust ball for a few years –might as well kick back and watch tv –gotta run –housewives is on (well, on the dvr)
you are lucky
cut the BS –you are lucky. you are lucky to be alive and reading this. you are lucky to have a job. you are lucky to have a family. you are lucky to have your health. you are lucky to have friends. you are lucky to see the sky. you are lucky to smell the food. you are lucky to walk. you are lucky to talk. you are lucky to sleep. you are lucky to breathe. you are lucky to read. you are lucky to have memories. you are lucky to have today. So cut the self loathing crap and remember that you are lucky. comprende?
the dojo
the dojo is cool. it is a mix of american flags, ying and yang, U2 music, strobe lights, trophys, pictures of champions, mirrors, mats, cubbies for your shoes. it is a place where you learn shit that you have no idea about. it is a place where you find out more about how to use your body. it is a place where you gain confidence. it is a place where you meet cool people, providing that it is not some a-hole running the shop and fortunately in my case –the guy is cool. thus his dojo has a cool vibe and attracts other cool types –mostly musicians, surfers, carpenters –people that are used to using their hands–unlike me. each time in the dojo, i learn more. it is a fascinating experience to actually learn something new every week –but also to know that a new learning is guaranteed and expected. you also need the dojo master to be an exceptional teacher because if you do not understand what is trying to be taught in the dojo, then you will get lost. yes, there is discipline–but it is not extreme. do not go to a dojo with extreme discipline unless you need it. the dojo is cool –a bit strange, but still cool. try it , you only live once.
the struggle
guess what? when you are in the early struggles of life, when you have just been married, when the bills are piling up, when the mortgage is twice as high as any rent you ever paid in your single days, guess what —these are the best days of your life. you and your partner are in the greatest struggle of your lives, trying to make ends meet, trying to start a family, trying to get a footing in your career. this is the greatest balancing act of your young life and you are making it, you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, but you are making it. this is the struggle. some people never get beyond this phase in life, they still indulge in their fancies, they still go on fancy trips, they still pile up the debt, they live beyond their means, they have fun, but they always struggle, unless they get lucky. do not underestimate the challenge of this life struggle. do not attempt to be unhappy during this struggle. you must embrace this time and relish every minute you are in the grocery store trying to stay within the budget by settling with eating chili for five days and having salad for lunch. this is part of the struggle. you must enjoy balancing the household budget every month. guess what, you made it through another month and you got to have a few beers and a few laughs in between on the cape or skiing in vermont. you know how it works. you have been paid on friday, you pay your bills on saturday, you now have 40 bucks to spend on extras for the next 2 weeks. but with the team working together, you always make it to the next paycheck…..more to come in next post –but keep up the struggle –it is the best time fo your life –don’t forget that –these are the good old days
society bullshit
it is a crazy thing that can make you crazy if you are crazy enough to allow the craziness to get in –know what i mean? obviously i am crazy enough –only because i become more crazy as life has gone on –is it being jaded more and more or is it a breakdown of the mind by the ongoing bullshit that society continues to put upon us. it is not society’s fault–it is the fault of the people who live in the society –since the beginning of society before there was civilization 10,000 years ago. it is in our dna to think and as we progress, we think more –and this thinking more pushes us to look at the micro and macro societies around us –in the house, on the street, in the town, in the state, in the country–etc (though not much more to etc). to avoid this BS, we need to pull back a bit and look at what really matters –i know it is hard to do and one can never really pull all the way back– but it is the only way to keep the craziness out –comprende? or was this just a bunch of BS too? haha –see you next time –if there is anyone really there
walking the dog
look, i love dogs for the most part and they can be great for companionship, etc –but enough is enough on taking these dogs out for 2 or 3 walks a day. i see a guy walking the dog in the morning and walking the dog at lunch and walking the dog in the evening –the kids are all grown up and all that is left is this bloody dog –empty nest syndrome no doubt –i get it –keeping company with the dog–helping to move away from loss of kids –it is a sad end to our once busy lives with laughs, kids, parties, trips –now all we have left is the dog! Look, i know that when it is time for my dog walking days I will probably be thrilled to death (literally) –time to walk the dog –hurrah!! for now it looks like a sad way to end one’s life–but in time i am sure that i will embrace it–life is a bitch, ain’t it?