one of the biggest fears in life is keeping your loved ones safe. it is different than keeping yourself safe. you do keep yourself safe by taking the necessary precautions, but you do not worry all the time about keeping yourself safe – as you have some control over that worry. the one area where you have less control is when you want to keep your loved ones safe. this is a big worry because you have little or no control, depending on the age of the loved one. if it is your own children, you can do a good job of keeping them safe when they are young, but you still need to make sure they make the right choices when you are not around – cars, strangers, water, etc. you have control, but obviously not complete control, so there is a hidden worry in your mind. as your children grow older, you have less control in keeping them safe – so the worry grows and grows. you can only rely on others keeping them safe when you are not around and you can only rely on your loved ones keeping themselves safe – like we all try to keep ourselves safe. so the only way to help keep them safe is to teach them how to be safe from a young age. don’t freak them out with too many scary scenarios that could happen, but help them understand the safe way to go about life. yes, they will take risks when they are young, like we all do, – and those we can’t prevent entirely, but perhaps we can guide them to be less risky when taking action that could affect their safety – these are bodily harm risks, not the type of risks you need to take to reach your goals. so teach them carefully and properly – and hope no harm will come – it is the only thing you can do
Tag: family
family memories
all we have is family memories in the early part of our lives. this is a comfortable time – just you and the family living life together – creating memories together. but like anything – time goes on and change from this tranquil state happens. you start to experience life with others outside of your family. this is a new time period in your life — and one that your family and you have to accept. it will be hard at first – mostly for your family. they will have to get used to the idea that you are creating memories without them – your original family. this is life – and is only the first step you will make – moving slowing away from your family nest to become independent — where one day most of your experiences are not with your original family. one can only accept this change, knowing that it is part of the natural process – even though it may hurt. if you are part of the original family – you need to cherish and enjoy the moments when you have them.
be there for family
we all know that life is a journey. we all know that we ultimately have to take this journey alone–in each of our own minds. this is something we cannot change. the one thing that we can change that will help our lonely journey along is how we act on the outside –what actions do we take? we take action to do the right thing and to provide peace of mind –to know that you have done all that you can do –and that you think it is the right thing to do. this theory is most important when we are talking about family. you must try your hardest to be there for family. you must do what it takes to be with your family in a time of need –when someone is sick or troubled. this will obviously help your family members in their trials –but it will help you even more. to know that you are there for your family in a time of need is one of the greatest feelings in the world. these times that you are there for your family will stand out like shining markers in the long journey of your life. you will know that you did what you needed to do and you will feel more inner peace. this is how you succeed in life–this is how you fulfill your life –this is how you prepare for the end –so that you are ready when your time comes. be there for family and you will know why you are here on earth.
don’t be sad when they grow up
one of the hardest things in life is to let go of your children and let them fly on their own. but this is the only way you will be happy and they will be happy. when another birthday passes and they get older and older, you have a feeling of sadness. that is ok, that is natural. but you must not wish to keep them young. this will only cause heartache. instead look at how much they have grown and how much your relationship has grown. it will continue to grow and you will learn to love them more and more each year. you do not really want to go back in time and re-live the years when they were young and you were younger. you already did that. now you will have more fun when they are older and you are older –you will experience more interesting experiences and will be able to become much closer to them. you will relish these moments more than the one’s in the past. the older they get, the closer you will become to them –remember this and you will not be sad anymore, you will understand and you will smile. enjoy the fact that they understand you more and you understand them more. this is one of the keys to a happier life. just live it and you will see.
the scare
we will all experience the scare at one point in our lives. this is the moment when you think a loved one could be in danger of dying. this falls along the lines of the cancer scare, which almost always is just that — a scare. it is never usually the real thing. your loved one goes through tests and there are days/weeks of worry. you pray each night extra hard for this person, especially if this person is your child. if it is your child, then you are in the darkest scare of all. you want to give your life for your child. you don’t want to think about life without your child. you think about how everything will fall apart if something happens to your child. there is no way you can go on with your life if something does happen to your child. in your prayers, you make big promises to give up things to save your child. through all of this, your mission in life becomes very clear. you see that it is your family that is most important and not all the superficial things in life –money, power, success, material objects. these matter nothing if a child is lost. so, you must learn from this scare, you must keep the clear thoughts that happened during the scare –at the front of your mind. you must move away from these things in life that do not matter at all. you must focus on the things that do matter, which is helping your family thrive, which is enjoying the moments you have with your family, which is showing your family how to see clearly too. you are lucky it was a scare this time. don’t waste anymore time before the next scare becomes real. learn from the important lesson of the scare.
short temper
why do people have a short temper? it happens to me all the time, especially with the kids. who do i think i am to get upset so quickly with my kids, with my co-workers, with my neighbors, with even my friends and my family. is it because this is a reflection of my own frustrations within my own expectations of my life? i should be happy. life is not bad at all. (knock-knock) and yet i still go off the handle for no big deal. i think this is a sign of my immaturity. i do try to remain calm, not blab so much. but i do get hyper and excited about things –mostly for good things happening. but then i snap in the negative too. i start to label people –see them as hypocrites –not practicing what they preach, etc. i should not judge so much. i should not think so much. i should not control so much. i should stop expecting so much from others. i should just be. this is a hard way to learn, especially if it goes against your own nature. it will come with age –that is why older folks are so mellow. they don’t see the point in going off the handle anymore –it only leads to negativity. the trick is to learn this before you get too old –so that you can benefit from your early evolution. so that you can leave a positive impression on the lives of the ones you care about. yes, evolve sooner.
stop yelling
stop yelling at the kids and stop yelling at your spouse. this will only create issues for you and your kids and your spouse throughout their lives. it does not get you anywhere. be calm and speak calmly in a heated situation –which most of the time is not even worth being heated. it is only heated because you started yelling. it is unfortunate that we do seem to have short fuses and we take it out on our loved ones because they are not doing what you want them to do. take a chill pill. everything does not revolve around you. life keeps us moving fast and we tend to react fast to even the smallest things. we want fast results, we want fast action. so we yell. and we think yelling will get the point out faster or make that person move faster. end result is no good. stop yelling. better yet –tell yourself to stop yelling before you do start to yell. thanks.
family first
this is a bitch of a topic! i mean– my first and only approach in this area is to always put family first in everything you do. which you should always do. plus, you should always never judge family and always take the high road when it comes to family. at the end of the day –all you will have left is family –whether that is good or bad–it is the simple fact. you do not want to cause conflict with your family and you need to bite your tongue with your family –after all this is your family. the same family that you grew up with or the same family that you raised. there was a time in the beginning where you looked on to your family members with eyes of adoration. you looked at your baby or you looked at your mother with complete eyes of loyalty and devotion. you looked at your brother or you looked at your sister with love and affection. you used to laugh with your family, you used have fun with your family –back in the times of innocence and fresh starts. you never thought those days would end, you never thought conflict would arise, you never thought people would change. but things do change and phases of life come and go –and conflict can occur in family. this is when this concept will be tested –this concept of “family first”. do you take the high road if you have been wronged by family? do you never judge your family when judgement is called into question? do you forgive every time? we will all be challenged by family member actions. what do you do? you want your sister to call you after a fight because you think it was her fault. this leads to a rift developing –one that might never be healed. but, don’t play this BS game–call her up –take the high road each time and stop the rift. make family first because it is the right thing to do –it will make you a better person in the long run. the long-time love bond of family is always there –but sometimes you forget. put family first unless a crime has been committed. in that case, this concept goes out the window. they then become strangers and are no longer family.
keep kids safe
you know –life is dangerous –very dangerous –and it is a miracle that we make it to adulthood. so, how do you keep your kids safe? well –you can’t look at every little thing –but you can look at 3 main areas. It is a simple approach, but you must be vigilant. 3 things to be paranoid about to keep your kids safe — watch out for cars, watch out for strangers and watch out for drowning. if you can be proactive in these 3 areas –chances are your kids will be safe overall. oh–and tell your kids about these 3 things all the time –keep them at the top of their mind. don’t freak them out, but make them very aware. yeah, i know it is simple and obvious –but it ain’t obvious unless you pay attention and let the kids know of these areas. get it?
ireland
The people in Ireland are great. I should know, I now have in-laws who live there. I also have 10 nieces and nephews who call me Uncle T. Yes, that’s right – I married an Irish girl. In fact, the day I arrived in Ireland in 1993 I met my future wife. She was the girlfriend of one of the Irish brothers. The Irish brothers were 2 lads I met during the summer of 1989. I left the Florida heat to work at an old resort deep in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. There, I would meet about 30 Irish college students, 2 of which I would become very good friends. At the end of the summer, I told the lads I’d see them when I got out of college. That is exactly what I did. Once graduated, I saved up my money and headed out to explore the world, starting with Ireland, a place where most Americans claim to have an ancestral connection.
I’ll never forget that day when I stepped off the plane with my Florida tan and white shorts. They made fun of me. Apparently, the days of wearing shorts are few and far between. That would be the last day I ever wore shorts in that country. The brothers were there to pick me up at the airport and boy was I going through a culture shock. It was my first time in Europe and I was loving it. An hour later, we were on the course and drinking tall-boys. Man, I will never forget the smell of the Irish countryside, so fresh, so pure –with a touch of manure. Mix that with some beer and hitting a few golf balls and you have something close to paradise.
On our way to the course, we stopped by James’ girlfriend’s house to pick her up and take her to work. She looked good and I remember telling James, “Way to go, man”. Little did I know that I would be exchanging marriage vows with her a little less than six years later. But of course I had to get it all out of my system before then. That is one of the keys to a successful marriage: preparation. You must get all crazy, youthful, single experiences out of the system before marriage. If you don’t, you will be doing both you and your lovely new spouse a disservice.
My plan was to spend a couple of weeks with the boys and then head off to the mainland. 9 months later I got back on a plane bound for FLA without ever stepping foot on any other country besides the Emerald Isle. For the first 2 months, we burned through my cash reserves playing golf everyday and hitting the black stuff at night. I was staying in their family home and giving a little bit of cash each month to the mother. I also began to date the younger sister. This was ultimately a bad move on my part. It would later create a rift between me and the brothers, that lasts to this day. At the time I figured what the hell. This wasn’t Florida, this was Ireland and I could get away with just about anything.
So there I was, taking full advantage of what Ireland had to offer me in every respect. By the third month I was forced to get a job. I also wanted to get my own flat. Patrick and I got a flat together in flat-city and were offered the job of running a bistro on Merrion Row. Bad move on the owner’s part. Sure we made the place some money, but we also ate filet mignon every night, as well as helping ourselves to all the Smithwicks we could drink. Before you knew it, the Christmas season rolled around and we got the ax. We partied through the holidays and when the New Year came around, we were back hitting the pavement looking for a job.
With 20% unemployment encompassing the land, I barely managed to land myself a job at a posh restaurant. (illegally, of course) My goal now was to make enough money to get back home in time for my (real) brother’s wedding in the spring of ’94. To do that, I would have to save enough money for airfare and spare cash once I got home. Also, I only had 3 months to do it. The restaurant was in the middle of Dublin across from the city manager’s house. It was the place to be seen and all of the celebrities stopped by for a bite. The staff was also a microcosm of the United Nations. There were the token Yanks like myself. There were also a few Canadians, Brits, Aussies and South Africans. It was a great crew and we all had fun doing our job and we were actually making decent tips from the patrons. The Irish aren’t used to tipping the usual 15-20%. They usually tip between 5-10% or many times not at all. So to work in a fancy restaurant for good tips was definitely a good situation to be in.
Over the next 3 months, I worked extra shifts to make the cash I needed to get back home. Even though I managed to party a few nights away with the staff, I had to decline more often than not to keep on my saving schedule. To save money, I would often walk home instead of taking a cab or bus. It was a 30-minute walk through a few tough neighborhoods, but I kept my eyes peeled, ready to run at a moment’s notice.
The best thing about working at the restaurant was the celebrity sightings. Almost every night, someone famous would walk though the door. You would see mostly rock stars and actors. It appeared that Dublin had always been a mecca for the stars. One reason they loved Dublin and Ireland was because the local people would leave them alone. Mick Jagger could be walking down the street and the locals would look the other way. They essentially wanted to respect their privacy by not making a fuss over them. In the States, Mick would obviously have been mobbed. One time I was walking down the street and I saw the Edge from U2 coming in my direction. He was taking a casual stroll and doing a little window-shopping. Nobody even looked in his direction. In fact, they went out of their way to not look at him. This astonished me to no end. I, of course, started acting like the typical tourist. I started jumping around and pointing him out to my friend. He told me to take it easy, which I soon did.
After awhile I started acting like the locals and ignoring the stars. But when they came into the restaurant, the place was buzzing. We would all get the word at the beginning of the night about who was coming in. At that time, the lucky waiters would be chosen to serve them. It was always one of the older waiters who got to serve them and never any of the new guys like me. The likes of U2, Gabriel Byrne, Alan Rickman, Leslie Nielsen, The Rolling Stones, and even Jerry Lee Lewis stopped by for dinner. Jerry Lee even went over to the piano in the bar to play a few notes on the piano. It was quite a show.
Well, one night I got my chance to wait on a star. The top waiters were off that night, so I got the call. The luck celebrity was none other than Albert Finney. He was one cool cat. He was in town filming a new flick and was out for a quick bite with Rufus Sewall. These guys were having fun, drinking a few cocktails and even buying drinks for a few of the female patrons. He even told me to call him “Al”. That was definitely the highlight of the night. He left a good tip too.
Before I knew it the 3 months had flown by and it was time for me to leave the lovely Emerald Isle. This land had been good to me over the last 9 months. I had left the States in search of new adventures abroad and Ireland had come through. Even though my initial goal was to travel all over Europe, I felt satisfied with my experiences in Ireland. I now had a better sense of the European lifestyle and felt more at ease in my own skin. I knew that I would be back one day and my future travels would go beyond Dublin. Yet, I would never forget my first European landing with my shorts, sandals and Florida tan leading the way.