insecurity is good

when you see people that seem so cool and calm on the surface, you wonder – how can they do that? one theory is that they are actually insecure beneath it all and don’t feel they have the right to be arrogant or obnoxious. this is a good thing. the feeling of insecurity can act as a protective blanket against yourself and the world. you feel insecure and so you don’t go into the world like you own it – you are more humble and kind and cautious. you still have fun, you still get wild, you still express yourself – but you don’t do it in a bad way. yes, this can prevent you from reaching your fullest potential because in order to do that sometimes you need to be an ass – you need to think you are the shit – you need to walk without a care of others – you need to shed your insecurities to grab the brass ring. but on the whole – having insecure feelings can keep you grounded and guessing – and thus keep you as a calm, caring person on the outside. yes, this is an unkind way to present the good image – a negative force on the inside producing a positive effect on the outside – the interior mindset setting the stage for the exterior appearance. it proves that we all need something to fear to keep us on the right path. in this respect, insecurity is useful and good – it makes you a better person in the eyes of the world – but it doesn’t help your peace of mind. there is always a price. if you see a jack-ass coming down the street, then you know he needs to be more insecure to help create a balance – as the jack-ass attitude will get you in more trouble than an insecure mind. interesting dynamic.

i will not care

I will not care
I will be strong
I will change
I will be calm
I will grow up
I will be an adult
I will be nice
I will look beyond
I will not care anymore
I will be free of all this
I will change to save myself
I will not think of these things
I will move on
I will not dwell
I will not care ever again
End of story

we must not hide

so often we want to hide from it all.  we want to stay home and not go out.  we don’t want to see people all the time – we want to be alone or at home with family.  this is ok.  this is a normal feeling.  but why do you see the same people out all the time – always looking happy, always acting like they want to see you.  it is because they make themselves go out into society.  they do this because they like being out in society or to keep themselves in the mix of society – to feel part of something, to have fun, to interact with others, to not be alone.  there are folks that like to be alone, that don’t mind being alone, that like to chill all the time at home, away from society.  this is a good thing if you are happy alone.  but it can lead you to move further and further away from society – which can be detrimental to your well being, to your state of mind.  therefore, even if you are perfectly happy sitting at home, you still must force yourself to go out into society, to be part of groups, to interact with others that you like and dislike.  you must not hide, you must force yourself to go out into the world – to keep your mental health in balance and to face your fears.


jackasses are everywhere you look – in fact you can see one in the mirror as well – because we are all a pain in the ass once in awhile.  but there are those folks that like to push your buttons and make you react.  they want to see you go out of character and fly off the handle – especially in front of groups.  they are the instigators that deliberately think about what to say to get you going.  the first few times, you will fall for it – defending your pride or honor – they know how to get you upset.  you must recognize these jackasses and you must not react.  you must hold your tongue, you must not react, you must keep a calm, happy face, you must fake your feelings towards these people – don’t let them know that your non-reaction is a reaction.  you must not react and then fake a nice reaction.  they do not need to know what you are really thinking.  this is hard to do if you are a person who shows their emotions all the time – and are known for showing emotions.  you must gradually change your reactions.  you must have controlled reactions most of the time and save loose reactions for more intimate friends.  you can do this but you must work at it – you must deliberately put yourself above it all and be more mature in these public situations.  next time – stop, think, don’t react.

social pressures

why can’t we ever escape the social pressures of life.  from youth to old age – social pressures exist.  they don’t change and they don’t go away.  there is always a constant reminder of social standing, social groups, social inclusion, social exclusion, social ups, social downs – everywhere we go and everywhere we look – social pressures are occurring.  you can’t escape these things – good or bad – unless you become a hermit and leave the social scene.  other than that – you have to clear your mind, you have to not let these trivial things affect you.  yes, you still need to be social but you can move past any grief that social pressures cause.  this is a battle in your mind.  you have to convince yourself that these things don’t matter in the grand scheme of life.  you have to be happy with the choices you make.  you have to understand that if you have less desire to be social, then less social activity will come your way – and vice versa.  also, if you decide to stand against social pressure, then keep that stance – don’t back track or waiver.  life is about choices and choosing which choices are most important to keep your life going the way you want it to go.  if you have to spend more time working, if you want to spend more time with your family, if you don’t feel like doing the extra work to gain new friends – then do all of these things to make the life you want to live.  forget about what others are doing, forget about what others are saying – these things do not matter at all.  what matters is living with your mind free of these trivial issues – which are not even issues at all – they are roadblocks put up in your own mind – preying on your own insecurities – making you feel bad – about really nothing at all.

calm waters

your mind is always racing.  you always overthink things.  you wake up in the night stressing.  you can’t even make simple decisions sometimes.  life starts to push down on you.  you don’t know what is the right decision or what is the wrong decision.  you see people rising up – you see groups gathering.  you allow peer pressure to still affect you – even years after high school.  those dynamics are always there – it is you that has to evolve out of that cycle.  you have to know that only family and a few friends matter.  if you are happy with that – then stop taking your mind down the insecure path.  until you reach the next level of existence – where you know what is important and what is not – you will still have these internal struggles.  while you still go through these struggles – work them all out in your mind and with your loved ones – then go into the world with a calm facade.  the truth is – everyone has to work to be calm in society – to just let things roll naturally.  keep calm on the outside – and the turmoil on the inside will eventually fade.  the rolling internal seas will merge with the calm waters that you keep pushing out to the world – an even flow will emerge for the finals stages of life.

no certainty

there is no certainty that you will be alive tomorrow.  we all know this, but we don’t think about this concept all the time.  we don’t dwell on the fact that we will all die at some point in the future.  and why would you dwell on this.  you wouldn’t and you shouldn’t.  but we are reminded on a regular basis that people die all of the time.  and as we grow older and as we know more people directly or indirectly – we will know more and more people who will die.  we wake up some days and are slapped in the face with another death of someone we know.  it is especially a shock if that person is younger.  if that person is a child or teenager or even in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s – it is a grave shock that we can barely comprehend.  we don’t know why this would happen or how it could happen – but it happens and it will never stop happening.  you might go awhile between deaths, but they will eventually come again.  all we can do is pray for the family affected and pray that it will not happen to your family.  but we ultimately have no control over when it will happen.  this is why we have to live for now.  we have to look long and hard at our loved ones.  we have to take it all in.  we have to try and pause the present.  we have to let things go.  we have to forgive.  we have to stop fighting.  we have to enjoy each other.  we have to do this and we have to do that.  we have to just be.  we have to move on and move forward.  we have to stop analyzing everything.  we have to be thankful for what we have and not be jealous of what others have.  we have to be comfortable in our own skin.  stop thinking so much and just live.  another death will come and you must think about living your life now – because one day someone will hear about your death.  live for what you have now.  that is all you have or will ever have.  now.

don’t react

you will come across many people in your life.  some will do things that you don’t agree with.  some will do things to show that they don’t like you.  don’t try to understand why people don’t like you.  don’t react to things that they do.  this is their problem, not your problem.  you want to say something to them.  you want to understand why they don’t like you.  you want to know what you did to them.  you want to clear things up.  for close friends – go clear it up.  but for acquaintances, don’t bother.  they are an acquaintance for a reason.  the immediate click or connection is not there yet or might not ever be there.  you have noticed that they are moving away from you.  could be something you did or said.  could be their first impression of you or their recent impression of you.  regardless – no need to react to them.  it is better not to say anything.  you have now learned that they are not right for you.  be a very casual acquaintance to them when you come in contact, as sometimes contact cannot be prevented.  so be casual and don’t react.  be happy that you now know which way things are going.  keep your info inside and don’t react.

do these things

you don’t want to do something but you must.  you are asked to do these things for a reason.  these are challenges put in your way to overcome – it is as simple as that.  whether it is a social occasion or a work event – you must go ahead and do these things.  it is your destiny to do these things.  your destiny knows what you must do to grow.  you might be hesitant and start to reject the notion of doing this thing.  but you are meant to do this thing, to go to this event, to meet these people – so that you can evolve, expand, grow.  it is easy to say no.  it is easy to stay away.  it is easy to stay home. it is easy to be comfortable.  you must not always take the easy choice.  you must go ahead and do this thing.  it is because you do not want to do this thing, that this thing was put in your way to do.  that is the logic of life.  you don’t want to do it, so life makes you do it.  this fact is inevitable.  the only thing you have to decide is that you will do it.  so when you don’t want to do something – you will soon be faced with the opportunity to do this thing.  you will then need to choose to do this thing.  and when you choose to do this thing, go to this event, meet these people – you will then evolve.

not everyone

not everyone is going to like you.  not everyone wants to be your friend.  not everyone is going to talk to you.  not everyone is going to smile at you.  some will know right away that they don’t like you.  all of this will mess with your mind.  you will try to understand why someone doesn’t like you.  you will try to talk to them.  you will try to be their friend.  but they don’t want to be your friend.  this is life.  this is how things go.  this is reality.  this is something you must understand and move on.  you might struggle for years in your mind.  it will cause you to lose sleep.  it will cause you to stress out.  you have to get past this.  you have to understand that you don’t really want to be everyone’s friend.  you don’t really have to be involved with every event.  besides the fact that it is impossible to try and spend every moment of your life being friends with everyone you meet – it is not a healthy state of mind.  it is not the way things are supposed to be.  you are not supposed to be everyone’s friend.  you are not supposed to like everyone.  not everyone is supposed to like you.  but you are supposed to grow up one day and live with this fact and realize that it is a good thing that not everyone likes you and wants to be your friend.  be happy with the friends you have.  be happy with the people that have chosen you to be their friend.  stop looking at the other side, the other group – and look at what you have in front of you.  be nice to people but move on.  make this happen in your mind.  work on this mindset.