we need to avoid the armadillo effect. this is an effect that can come across all of us. we go out into this world – we are brave, we are fearless. that is all good. we need to be brave, we need to be fearless – in order to see the world, to explore the world – to learn from our experiences. this is a must to progress, to eventually succeed. but what we must not do is fall under the armadillo effect. this is when you are so confident that you let your guard down. you think nothing will happen to you, you think nothing will harm you. you think you are invincible. this can lead to great harm coming your way. this can lead to an early grave. you can be brave, you must be fearless – but don’t be naive to think that you don’t need to be alert – that you don’t need to keep an eye out – that you don’t need to watch out for trouble. this is the armadillo effect and it can kill you. the armadillo walks casually across a busy road. the armadillo does not try to avoid traffic. the armadillo does not care about being in harm’s way. the armadillo does not rely on judgement. the armadillo is not alert and ready for trouble. the armadillo only relies on fate. the armadillo is often run over. don’t be run over. don’t fall under the spell of the armadillo effect. stay alert until the end. the difference is literally a matter of life or death.
Category: Life
high school reunions
reunions are a strange business. i think they are good but they are definitely a unique animal. you initially go because you know a few other folks going and you want to see them – so that is all good and that is a good reason to go. even to see 1 person that you are tight with or used to be tight with – is reason enough to go. you feel nervous going to the event – you really don’t know who you are going to see – you don’t know what you are going to say. you do know you might see people that you really didn’t like in high school and they really didn’t like you. you get there and you say hi to everyone you come in contact with – you are excited to see some folks and others you fall back into the way it was in HS – quick hi and move on. it is funny how the differences then are still there now. throughout the event, you are in a frenzied state – you don’t want to miss anyone – you want to make sure you talk to all those you know – you want to reach out to some you might not remember – you want to get the aha moment – yes, i remember you – so you are cruising around – talking, laughing reminiscing – you talk so much and so fast that you forget to eat – and the night goes quick – and then at the end of the night or the next day you feel good but you still feel like you didn’t talk to everyone – you didn’t get to say everything that you wanted to say. you want to hold on a little longer to those bygone days – you want to feel back in the moment – it is a strange feeling that lingers for days after the event. you stirred up those old thoughts from 20-30-40 years ago. you went back in time. almost a double edge sword – open up the past- relive and reconnect – but deep inside knowing that your time is fading fast. the good is you can reconnect with a few – you can include them in your life again. you can look at others in a new light – you can make new connections from the ones that you might not have known so well in the past. this whole thing stirs up unusual emotions but it is worth the effort. these things only come by a few times in life so don’t miss them all.
keep your grip
as you get older, it becomes harder and harder to keep your grip. the challenges of life come at you hard in the 40’s, 50’s – you get pulled from all sides – the folks start dying – the kids start complaining and becoming more expensive – the marriage you need to keep focusing on – to maintain balance. you must steady yourself – you must look at yourself from the outside – you must try and remain calm. you must keep your grip – no matter what is thrown your way. you start to feel the pressure of life – you start to buckle a bit – you lose your train of thought – you have to work to be happy – it does not come as easily as it used to. everything is put in your way to make you stumble. but you must keep your focus – you must work on the smaller picture and not worry about the bigger picture so much – keep things going – keep moving forward – don’t stop or stall – you keep things on track the best you can and you will get through – you will keep your grip – you will get to the other side. step by step – keep your grip.
struggle to appreciate
i have talked about the struggle over and over. it is always there for all of us. there is some type of struggle there – rich or poor. it dominates our mind – in the background – coming to the front with worry, doubt, insecurity. but what is so beautiful about the struggle is that it makes us better people. it pushes us more and more towards our loved ones. it shows us that we are not alone – that we have friends and family – right there in the struggle with us. it enhances our appreciation for others. we feel the struggle, they feel the struggle – we have a common bond – getting through the struggle – and it brings us together. we hug more and hold each other more – we want to help each other through our joint struggle and our individual struggles within the main struggle. we always wish to be free of the struggle – but in reality we are never free. we have to be in a struggle to appreciate the good things we have in life. the struggle gives us an appreciation for what we have – it keeps us grounded. we especially need this during the tough decades – 30’s, 40’s, 50’s – we need this more than we realize. if we didn’t have the struggle, we would appreciate less and we would lose what we have.
routine, not control
we all get into routines. we all need routines. you need a routine to stay on track. you need a routine to stay sane. a routine is good for your physical and mental health. without routines, we would be lost. it is the natural flow of life to fall into routines. once the routine is set, we don’t need to think about it. you fall into a routine without even noticing. life is made up of a series of routines. a routine determines what you do in life and when you do things in the day, the week, the month, the year and throughout your life. the routine controls most of your actions. but sometimes routines can cause conflicts. this happens when people think that you are trying to control a situation or a decision, especially in a relationship – when it might just be that you are letting your routine guide you. you are not trying to control everything, you are following your routine – and sometimes that can be seen as control, not routine. look at what you are doing and see if it is part of your routine – and you are not deliberately trying to exert control over someone else’s life. you should align your routines with your partner’s routines – to avoid conflict and misunderstanding. if you are a good match and have similar interests, then the routines should naturally align. but if conflict arises, just refer to the routines and see if that is the issue. if it is not, then you might be trying to control someone.
the wall of the 40s
if you have run a marathon or know about marathons, then you know that in every marathon, there is a wall. this is a wall that you must bust through in order to go on and finish the race successfully – which means crossing the finish line. everyone knows the analogies between life and marathons – the idea that life is a marathon. if you can live your life like you run a marathon, then there is a good chance you can make it through with some success and satisfaction. but it is very hard to think and live in these terms. how can you look at life, think of it as a marathon, and then act in the way a marathon is run. it is hard to do. you are in the moment and you want to jump, shout, talk, move, etc. you don’t want to be patient, calm, reserved, etc. – like you would in a marathon. but in reality, you must learn to think and act this way – no matter what. you will do it on your own or you will be forced to do it – to live life like a marathon. this brings us to the wall of every marathon and of every life. it is there waiting for you to bust through or not bust through. and this wall sits in your 40’s. the 40’s is the most challenging decade. you are through the experimental 20’s, the getting used to adulthood 30’s, the fun 40th birthday time period. time starts to run out and you can just start to see the end of the tunnel – years down the road, but now you notice it. you have the most burdens in life – kids, bills, middle marriage years, career challenges, time flying by very fast, kids moving to the exit, prep for college costs, retirement only 20 yrs away – it is a crazy time. this is why the 40’s represent the wall of life’s marathon. this is why you must recognize the wall, this is why you must keep moving and bust through the wall. knowing that the wall is there and that it is supposed to be there during this time – will help you get through it. all marathoners know the feeling of getting through the wall and they know how hard it is to get through the wall. you can either keep running through the wall or stop and walk through the wall. either way – see the wall, recognize the wall, get through the wall. it should be better on the other side – just like in the marathon race.
you have to be bored
what can you do. you have hit the mid-life phase. you have family, wife to work for. you can’t just quit your job. you have to keep working no matter what – to keep the train going. you also want to see your family as much as possible. you don’t want a job that has you traveling all over. you want to grab these fleeting days/weeks/months/years with your kids before they fly the coop for good. you have to make that your main focus. to do this, you must sometimes do jobs that are not as exciting as the ones you had in the past. the jobs that were in the big city – things were moving fast. you never watched the clock. you had less stress in all areas. kids were very young – stared at them all weekend – they were the entertainment. now they are growing up – becoming more expensive – you want to see them as often as possible – so you stay in your current job. this is to pay the bills – to see them – to keep things going – until they go to college. you have to make sacrifices. you have to be bored with your job – you have to accept the boredom – you have to accept the monotony of the job. you have to get that check every 2 weeks. you have to suck it up and keep going. you have to do this for the family. this you must learn. you can’t just jump from job to job. you have to be precise in your movements. you have to be precise in your judgement. you have to be methodical in your jumping. you have everything hanging on you. they are not letting go – they are getting heavier by the year. you must slog on. you must be bored. you have to be bored. it is a marathon. be bored, push on – change will come when the time is right or when you wake up one day and say enough is enough. but do you really have a choice. yes, but only a calculated choice now – no more missteps – you can’t afford it now. maybe later.
everything but
riches. if you have everything but riches. if you have everything but wealth. if you have everything but financial security. if you have everything but you have debt. if you have everything but peace of mind. if you have everything but you have worries. if you have everything but you have doubt. if you have everything but you have an uncertain future. if you have everything but you have bills. if you have everything but not enough savings. if you have everything but not enough money for retirement. if you have everything but not enough money to move to a bigger house. if you have everything but not enough money for an expensive car. if you have everything but not enough money for name brand clothes. if you have everything but not enough money for elaborate trips. if you have everything but not enough money to stop working. if you have everything but not enough money to join a country club. if you have everything but not enough money to remodel your house. if you have everything but you always have to worry about money – then you have everything you will ever need and you are very lucky. if not getting rich is the worst thing that ever happens to you – then you struck the life lottery. congrats!
grouchy when older
no one knows what a person has gone through in life except that person. when you come across an older person and that person is grouchy you wonder why are they grouchy. you might know some things about that person and this will give you an idea of why they might be grouchy when they are older. this person is obviously unhappy and they have seen their life as not going the way they wanted or expected. they then become grouchy all of the time and it affects the people around them. but because they are older, you let most of it go. but it does start to put a lasting stain on all of the good memories you have had with that person over the years. you try to talk to them – to tell them to not worry so much and to enjoy the time they have left. but in reality you can’t convince them to be happy – there is no use in trying because their mind is already set into being sad, upset, worrisome and grouchy. they might be happy here and there but it is too late to change their mindset – it has been in the making for decades and has now come out to the world as grouchy. it is sad to see but you can’t really do anything about it except hold your tongue and try not to agitate them. you can also learn from them. this is a lesson to you – that if you are lucky to reach the ripe old age that they have reached remember to not be grouchy – to not diminish all the strong family relationships you have in place – and have worked so hard at over the years. don’t be that grouch. enjoy your loved ones and stop feeling sorry for yourself and thinking about only you all the time. think about the younger people in your family and be happy for them. stop being selfish and stop being grouchy. stop it right now before it is too late.
now and later
there are so many things in life that are obvious and so many things that are not obvious. one thing that is obvious and overstated is that we have to live in the moment- we have to live now and not live for what we want to happen in the future. this is because we are only capable of living now and we better live now because we don’t know when now will end – and not knowing when now will end only makes living in the now even more important. so with that understanding – I want to put one more layer on top. it is simply this – live in the now like there is no tomorrow, but still keep your dreams of the future alive – don’t let those hopes/wishes/ideas go – you need them to carry on anyway. only know that one day your future dreams may connect with the life you are living today. that connection could happen and then you could feel complete – you could feel fulfilled. or that connection might not happen, but you could still feel good about the life you have lived because you chose to live for the moment and not live for the future. so either way – whether you connect the present with the future or you do not – just live for today and the result will still be good.