it is hard to explain. it is the question asked forever by everyone. it is embedded deep in the human mind and soul. it is why we all live or die. it challenges us every day. it never relents. it is the up and down of life. it is happiness. brought to the public forefront many years ago, happiness is truly what we all strive for – but there is no such thing as constant happiness. we must accept that we will not always be happy – all the time. yet this is hard to do. we want to be happy all the time. we think it is the way to live. but once we accept that this is impossible, we must continue to remind ourselves of this very fact. we must understand that not being happy all the time is the natural way. we will have down times, so what we need to do is keep up our enthusiasm for life. knowing that life is not all roses, we need to keep the spark of life alive. we must not let the trials of life beat us down. we must remember we are alive right now – we are not dead yet – and while we are alive we must force ourselves to keep up our zest for life – we must keep that zest going – the same zest we had when we were younger. it was easier then but now it is harder – so you need to work harder to not let the spark die. like everything, you must never quit, never give up -and that goes for your zest for life too. keep it going. keep up your enthusiasm no matter what. if you don’t, then you lose a part of who you are.
Tag: life
looking back
when you look back past your life and all the way back to your parents’ lives – to when they met and got married – and then you see the path they took and you see how old they were – and you then compare to your life, to your age at certain parts of your path – you then start to realize how young your parents were when they got married, when they had kids, why they had marital troubles if they did – why they might have divorced – you start to see it all very clearly. you think about what you did in your 20s – and how getting married and having kids in early-mid 20s might have been major challenges to a relationship. you then see the paths they took and then you see that their lives did not always end in glory or in a way ever imagined. they had dreams too – they wanted to get to a comfortable place too. they wanted to be safe and secure – they wanted to succeed. they are just like you – they are only human – their paths changed too – they are just trying to hold on to life like you – they are trying to keep their grip every day. it is a funny thing when you really look back at your parents’ lives and you compare to yours and you see what they had to do and you see what you have to do – and these are the secrets not always revealed – you just have to look and compare – and you will understand more about you and about them.
high school reunions
reunions are a strange business. i think they are good but they are definitely a unique animal. you initially go because you know a few other folks going and you want to see them – so that is all good and that is a good reason to go. even to see 1 person that you are tight with or used to be tight with – is reason enough to go. you feel nervous going to the event – you really don’t know who you are going to see – you don’t know what you are going to say. you do know you might see people that you really didn’t like in high school and they really didn’t like you. you get there and you say hi to everyone you come in contact with – you are excited to see some folks and others you fall back into the way it was in HS – quick hi and move on. it is funny how the differences then are still there now. throughout the event, you are in a frenzied state – you don’t want to miss anyone – you want to make sure you talk to all those you know – you want to reach out to some you might not remember – you want to get the aha moment – yes, i remember you – so you are cruising around – talking, laughing reminiscing – you talk so much and so fast that you forget to eat – and the night goes quick – and then at the end of the night or the next day you feel good but you still feel like you didn’t talk to everyone – you didn’t get to say everything that you wanted to say. you want to hold on a little longer to those bygone days – you want to feel back in the moment – it is a strange feeling that lingers for days after the event. you stirred up those old thoughts from 20-30-40 years ago. you went back in time. almost a double edge sword – open up the past- relive and reconnect – but deep inside knowing that your time is fading fast. the good is you can reconnect with a few – you can include them in your life again. you can look at others in a new light – you can make new connections from the ones that you might not have known so well in the past. this whole thing stirs up unusual emotions but it is worth the effort. these things only come by a few times in life so don’t miss them all.
keep your grip
as you get older, it becomes harder and harder to keep your grip. the challenges of life come at you hard in the 40’s, 50’s – you get pulled from all sides – the folks start dying – the kids start complaining and becoming more expensive – the marriage you need to keep focusing on – to maintain balance. you must steady yourself – you must look at yourself from the outside – you must try and remain calm. you must keep your grip – no matter what is thrown your way. you start to feel the pressure of life – you start to buckle a bit – you lose your train of thought – you have to work to be happy – it does not come as easily as it used to. everything is put in your way to make you stumble. but you must keep your focus – you must work on the smaller picture and not worry about the bigger picture so much – keep things going – keep moving forward – don’t stop or stall – you keep things on track the best you can and you will get through – you will keep your grip – you will get to the other side. step by step – keep your grip.
struggle to appreciate
i have talked about the struggle over and over. it is always there for all of us. there is some type of struggle there – rich or poor. it dominates our mind – in the background – coming to the front with worry, doubt, insecurity. but what is so beautiful about the struggle is that it makes us better people. it pushes us more and more towards our loved ones. it shows us that we are not alone – that we have friends and family – right there in the struggle with us. it enhances our appreciation for others. we feel the struggle, they feel the struggle – we have a common bond – getting through the struggle – and it brings us together. we hug more and hold each other more – we want to help each other through our joint struggle and our individual struggles within the main struggle. we always wish to be free of the struggle – but in reality we are never free. we have to be in a struggle to appreciate the good things we have in life. the struggle gives us an appreciation for what we have – it keeps us grounded. we especially need this during the tough decades – 30’s, 40’s, 50’s – we need this more than we realize. if we didn’t have the struggle, we would appreciate less and we would lose what we have.
change and purpose
change occurred today – Trump was sworn in. there is a feeling now that more obvious changes are coming to America and the world. i don’t know if that has to do with my age now – and how i can reflect more on life and how i want to know what life is all about. as we get older, we do start to reflect and we start to ask why are we here – what is our individual purpose here on earth. is it to help ourselves or is it to help others. is our purpose not to see how far we can go but how far we can help others go. everyone’s destiny is predefined – we just need to follow the signals to stay on the predefined path. this will help eliminate worry and fear. but we still do not know what we are here for – what we are really here for. we will only know in the last hours of our lives – we will then know what we did and this will tell us why we were here – individually. if you as an individual do not achieve “greatness” – then you will help others achieve it. everyone is linked to some great purpose one way or another. some are easy to see – like being President of the US. but for most it is harder to see what great purpose we have achieved. but it is there and that is why change is there – change is driving all of us to our greater purpose for being on this earth. you have to know that you are here to achieve a greater purpose. you have to look deeper and deeper into your life to see the greater purpose that you have achieved. do not leave this earth thinking that you did not achieve a greater purpose. you did achieve a greater purpose and if you keep looking, you will see it. don’t stop reflecting and looking. change is a way to your greater purpose.
routine, not control
we all get into routines. we all need routines. you need a routine to stay on track. you need a routine to stay sane. a routine is good for your physical and mental health. without routines, we would be lost. it is the natural flow of life to fall into routines. once the routine is set, we don’t need to think about it. you fall into a routine without even noticing. life is made up of a series of routines. a routine determines what you do in life and when you do things in the day, the week, the month, the year and throughout your life. the routine controls most of your actions. but sometimes routines can cause conflicts. this happens when people think that you are trying to control a situation or a decision, especially in a relationship – when it might just be that you are letting your routine guide you. you are not trying to control everything, you are following your routine – and sometimes that can be seen as control, not routine. look at what you are doing and see if it is part of your routine – and you are not deliberately trying to exert control over someone else’s life. you should align your routines with your partner’s routines – to avoid conflict and misunderstanding. if you are a good match and have similar interests, then the routines should naturally align. but if conflict arises, just refer to the routines and see if that is the issue. if it is not, then you might be trying to control someone.
don’t say 90%
don’t say 90% of what you are thinking. thoughts come into your mind every second. do this, do that, say this, say that. you think so much that you have to learn not to blurt out your thoughts while you are eating – don’t talk with your mouth full. you want to say something as soon as it comes into our mind so that you don’t forget what you just thought. you even pause the tv to say something – knowing that it will be gone if you continue to watch. you want to get your point across. you want to talk all the time. and most of us do talk all the time. but at some point, you have to stop talking all the time. as you get older, you just get tired of talking all the time. this helps you stop talking all the time – getting older. in fact, you must try to not say 90% of what you are thinking. most of what you are thinking can be a negative against other people. you do think positive thoughts as well, but we all think negative thoughts almost as much. it is because you are used to a certain way, a certain person, a certain look, a certain everything. so when you see something outside of your norm – you automatically go to the negative – why do they look like that, why do they talk like that, who do they think they are, etc. it could even be when interacting with a loved one – you want to voice your opinion, but sometimes it can be a cruel opinion. so stop before you speak and screen out 90% of what you about to say to someone. this is evolving, this is growing wiser, this is how you stay ahead in life. you might even listen more and you might show real interest in what other people have to say.
the wall of the 40s
if you have run a marathon or know about marathons, then you know that in every marathon, there is a wall. this is a wall that you must bust through in order to go on and finish the race successfully – which means crossing the finish line. everyone knows the analogies between life and marathons – the idea that life is a marathon. if you can live your life like you run a marathon, then there is a good chance you can make it through with some success and satisfaction. but it is very hard to think and live in these terms. how can you look at life, think of it as a marathon, and then act in the way a marathon is run. it is hard to do. you are in the moment and you want to jump, shout, talk, move, etc. you don’t want to be patient, calm, reserved, etc. – like you would in a marathon. but in reality, you must learn to think and act this way – no matter what. you will do it on your own or you will be forced to do it – to live life like a marathon. this brings us to the wall of every marathon and of every life. it is there waiting for you to bust through or not bust through. and this wall sits in your 40’s. the 40’s is the most challenging decade. you are through the experimental 20’s, the getting used to adulthood 30’s, the fun 40th birthday time period. time starts to run out and you can just start to see the end of the tunnel – years down the road, but now you notice it. you have the most burdens in life – kids, bills, middle marriage years, career challenges, time flying by very fast, kids moving to the exit, prep for college costs, retirement only 20 yrs away – it is a crazy time. this is why the 40’s represent the wall of life’s marathon. this is why you must recognize the wall, this is why you must keep moving and bust through the wall. knowing that the wall is there and that it is supposed to be there during this time – will help you get through it. all marathoners know the feeling of getting through the wall and they know how hard it is to get through the wall. you can either keep running through the wall or stop and walk through the wall. either way – see the wall, recognize the wall, get through the wall. it should be better on the other side – just like in the marathon race.
you have to be bored
what can you do. you have hit the mid-life phase. you have family, wife to work for. you can’t just quit your job. you have to keep working no matter what – to keep the train going. you also want to see your family as much as possible. you don’t want a job that has you traveling all over. you want to grab these fleeting days/weeks/months/years with your kids before they fly the coop for good. you have to make that your main focus. to do this, you must sometimes do jobs that are not as exciting as the ones you had in the past. the jobs that were in the big city – things were moving fast. you never watched the clock. you had less stress in all areas. kids were very young – stared at them all weekend – they were the entertainment. now they are growing up – becoming more expensive – you want to see them as often as possible – so you stay in your current job. this is to pay the bills – to see them – to keep things going – until they go to college. you have to make sacrifices. you have to be bored with your job – you have to accept the boredom – you have to accept the monotony of the job. you have to get that check every 2 weeks. you have to suck it up and keep going. you have to do this for the family. this you must learn. you can’t just jump from job to job. you have to be precise in your movements. you have to be precise in your judgement. you have to be methodical in your jumping. you have everything hanging on you. they are not letting go – they are getting heavier by the year. you must slog on. you must be bored. you have to be bored. it is a marathon. be bored, push on – change will come when the time is right or when you wake up one day and say enough is enough. but do you really have a choice. yes, but only a calculated choice now – no more missteps – you can’t afford it now. maybe later.